Escapades
by Tanny-san
Summary: I just realized it didn't post the full chapter 12. Argh. Mature readers! Sexual awakenings, lust, rediculousness. 2DXNoodle, quite silly, bit of smut, awkward situations and cliches abound. I'm insane.
1. Of Drunkards and Moaners

A crow cawed restlessly from within the carpark. In the graveyard, a hand shot through long-buried earth, the body behind it forcing its way out of the ground, clawing out of its grave giving into its one desire; warm flesh.

Some hundred yards away, a blue-haired man shuffled sleepily down the corridors of Kong Studios, idly scratching his pajama-clad crotch, non-chalantly whistling a tune to himself.

Yes, it was a regular, wee-hours-of-the-morning scene here at the home of the Gorillaz.

2D stumbled dazedly into the kitchen, glazed, drunken eyes scanning the fridge for his remaining beer.

Pull.

Pop.

Click.

-fizzle-

Glug, glug.

Ahhhhhhh...

Sweet nectar of the gods, creator of accidental babies, maker of embarrassing stains on good clothing. Oh alcohol, how we adore thee. Our hero gave his pajama pocket a pat, gently telling the large white hydro tablets that he adored them too.

2D wasn't a hard person to please. Give him a warm blanket, a cold beer, a pack of ciggys and bit of a naughty mag and he could be set for the evening. Of course, a real woman and some tunes drifting through the background would do just as well.

2D smiled stupidly, turned around, and headed out of the kitchen, happily humming on his way to the elevator to go downstairs and play a bit of pong before turning in for the night.

Well, that was the plan, initially, anyway.

The singer was curious by nature, and rarely stopped to think out the consequences of his inquisitiveness. And so it goes that upon hearing a soft melody drift in one ear, through his brain, and out the other ear, he paused to take notice.

He wobbled as he closed his eyes, using his nearly super-human musical knowledge to pinpoint the exact location of the soft, yet pumping beat he heard floating on the air. He turned back towards the kitchen, and looked to the room on his right, where he knew the music originated.

'Hmmm... wot's Noodle-girl up to this late at night?' 2D scratched his head, shrugged his shoulders, and allowed curiosity to shit all over the cat. He walked slowly towards her room, sidestepping the dust-covered Big Wheel that no one had bothered to move for the past three years.

Best not to enter her room directly; she never failed to throw things at unwanted guests, even if she did have a special zen bond with them. The seventeen-year-old guitarist was very protective of her room... Admittedly, with good reason, considering her housemates.

One Stuart Tusspot found himself kneeling in front of the Asian girl's door, pressing his ear up against it to better hear what exactly was going on inside. He could hear the song playing, a fast-paced, hip-hop oriented beat with a bit of a techno background. Had a lilting, repetitive violin in the background, and no vocals to be heard.

Well, unless one counted the soft moans coming in and out at odd points in the song. And the odd gasp here and there. And the gentle wimpers of -

'Jesus! There's someone in there with Noodle!'

The creak of rusty gears turning could be heard far away in space.

2D knelt, shell-shocked, in front of the door to Noodle's room. He was blank for a moment, but very quickly, a white-hot flash of anger flooded through every living cell within the blue-haired singer.

Some little shit was about to get his dick ripped off. Nobody was allowed to corrupt Noodle.

Well, at least not until she was forty or so.

Calming himself a fraction, 2D weighed his options. He could bust up in there and let loose on whoever was in there -touching- his little Noodle, but thought that perhaps this was not the best course of action, as he was not exactly the strongest guy, had left his switchblade in his pants pocket, and was more than slightly inebriated.

He would get his ass kicked.

Option two was to alert the other band members. However, Murdoc was not yet home, and no one dared try and wake the living dead that was Russel Hobbs in hybernation mode.

Option three... hmmm. What the fuck was option three?

2D raised one eyebrow, pondering this thought, when the lightbulb above his head flickered, died for a bit, then came back to life.

He could always spy, see who the bastard was, and take care of it tomorrow! After all, he was rather tired, and perhaps it wasn't right to just outright embarrass Noodle by making some huge scene at four in the morning.

As quickly as one whose vision was in an alcohol and pain-killer induced haze could manage, 2D cautiously plucked out bits of cotton she'd used to block a hole made in her door one night by Mike the monkey when Murdoc had insisted it would be a bloody fantastic idea to get said primate shit-faced.

Noodle had been really pissed. Murdoc hadn't so much as looked at the monkey since she had had her little 'talk' with the Satanist.

After all, even sweet, innocent Asian girls have their limits.

Wincing as the soft material scratched against the balsa wood and plaster door, 2D held his breath and tugged a bit harder, freeing the material from the hole. Bracing himself, he bent down, opening one black eye to peer into the girl's room.

And damn, the curious cat just really got his shit ruined.

2D picked his jaw up off the floor, unable to tear his gaze away from the forbidden sight in front of him. Noodle wasn't with anyone, or if someone was there, 2D sure as hell couldn't see them.

Instead, he saw what he considered to be possibly the most glorious scene he'd ever witnessed.

There, facing the door, legs spread, completely naked, sat Noodle. Her eyes were hooded and glazed, cheeks tinged pink, lips spread apart as another soft cry escaped her pouting mouth. Her back arched, and her breasts stuck out, soft and supple, her nipples hard and proudly straining against the chill of her room.

Down past a flat, olive-skinned stomach, her own hand stroked the place that 2D always tried to forget belonged to Noodle.

She was masturbating.

'Oh God, I should leave... I'm almost twice her age, for Chrissake! I'm a bloody ol' pervert... Fuck me...'

Yet despite his disgust with himself, this particular man could not wrench himself away from that door.

His eyes devoured her as she stroked herself, her other hand coming up to play with a breast, licking her fingers before circling them around her nipple, tugging at the little bud, eliciting another moan from herself. Two fingers pumped in and out of her as her thumb brushed against her clit.

Her head lulled to the side as she increased her pace, her hips bucking upwards to meet her hand. She bit her lip in an effort to quiet her cries, eyes shutting tightly as she concentrated toward her goal.

He could see her upper thighs glisten with her wetness under the light.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

She threw her head back in ecstacy, body tensing, quivering as she came.

2D's mouth went dry. And damn, it suddenly was so fucking hot, and shit if his pajamas weren't suffocating him. He watched her collapse back onto her bed, panting softly, before he shoved the cotton back in the hole, and got up quickly to go to his room, finish his beer, take another pill, a cold shower, and subsequently pretend he dreamt the whole situation.

Once again, however, it seemed that 2D's plans were not to come to fruition on this particular eve.

With an obnoxiously loud crash, one drunk-ass, blue-haired singer found himself kissing the ground while his legs got raped by the damn Big Wheel.

He could have sworn he heard the crash and his own loud "BLOODY FUCKING HELL!" echo somewhere around twelve times within the corridor.

He couldn't have made more noise if he'd tried.

On the other side of the door, a teenaged Asian girl nearly jumped out of her skin at the loud explative. Nervously, she rushed to her closet and grabbed her silk bathrobe, haphazardly securing the belt before wondering, 'What in the hell...?'

She worried briefly that the person outside had... heard... her in her every-once-in-a-while habit, but quickly dismissed that thought. That's what the music was for, after all. And her door was locked. She was safe.

Turning the door handle and hearing the lock click out of place, Noodle quietly pushed the door open.

'Aw, shit...' 2D realized three things in quick succession. One, the floor tasted like ass. Two, his beer was all over him and the floor. Three, the lock on Noodle's door just clicked.

Make that four things. He was sporting an erection that could be potentially incriminating.

Noodle stepped out into the hallway, blinked four times, and then raised both eyebrows at the rather disoriented man.

"Erm... 'ello love! Wot... uhmm... heh, that is," he was cut short by a hiccup... sodding things! "Wot 're you doin' up s'late?"

'...Aside from playing with yourself, you naughty thing you.' 2D gave himself a quick mental slap, and quickly gave Noodle a goofy smile, trying his best to arrange himself in such a way to hide his little friend, who was straining to wave at the girl before him through his pants.

Noodle giggled at 2D, who was hopelessly entangled with her old Big Wheel, covered in beer, and obviously off in lala land.

"2D-san, it's four in the morning, I was sleeping when I heard a crash. I just came out to investigate." She chuckled once more at the bewildered singer, her heart fluttering at his adorable lost-puppy look.

"Yes, well, uhm, y'see I wos in the kitchen fetchin me last fizzy, and I seemed to have come out and made a bit of a mess with this little bitch in the hallway... Thanks, Noodle-girl." She'd reached out her hand to help him up yanking him up when he placed his hand in hers.

His face exploded crimson red when he noticed her hand was still a bit damp.

She looked at him quizically.

"Are you okay, 2D-san? You look a bit hot." She pressed the back of her other hand against his forehead.

"I'm awright, really! Just a little warm from the alcohol s'all..." He backed away quickly, suddenly very aware of how near she was and how moments ago, he'd seen her spread out before him, touching places he'd told himself were out of bounds to him.

And damn, she was beautiful.

Emerald eyes looked at him speculatively, a light blush gracing her cheeks as she wondered at his reaction. 'He couldn't know what I was doing... but why is he acting like my presence disgusts him?'

"Well, if you're sure you're okay, 2D..." She gave a small yawn. "I'm going back to bed. I'll help you get this mess up in the morning."

2D flinched as the young guitarist stepped near him and wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him a light squeeze. He did his best to keep his groin area as far away from her as possible, resulting in the awkward monstrosity known as the ass-out hug. Not wanting to be too obvious, though all too conscious of the feel of her breasts on his bare chest seperated only by a thin layer of silk, he returned the hug and quickly released her, muttering a soft, "G'night, Noodle girl."

When she turned around and gently closed her door, 2D hauled ass back to his bedroom, popped a pill, took one of the coldest showers he could, and all-around failed miserably at getting rid of his raging hard-on. Stepping out of the shower, he looked at the three of himself he saw staring back at him from the mirrors on his wall, and pointed an accusatory finger at each of them.

"You drunken ol' fart! You bloody pervy git! You listen t'me, you stay the 'ell away from 'er! You don't deserve 'er an' even if ya did, which, well, ya don't, she's too damn young for you!"

Blink.

Turn.

Stumble.

Stumble stumble.

Bed.

Collapse.

Scratch crotch.

... Scratch crotch again.

'I gotta fix this...'

A/N: seems as if Noodle isn't the only one doing some… erm… self-assessment here. This isn't going to be a supersweet story, but I figure that a bit of humor, sexual tension, and angst is due somewhere other than the Muds/2D fandom. And damn there's a lack of decent het fics over here in the 'rillaz section. So I figured I'd give it a shot. Next post up fairly soon…. Enjoy.


	2. Of Showers and Mornings

Noodle sighed deeply, pressing her back against her now closed-and-locked door, closing her eyes tightly. Her heart still raced from the adrenaline rush of feeling "caught."

'I wonder what's up with him?' she wondered idly. 'He looked even more out of it than usual...'

Running a hand through her violent, violet hair, she shook her head gently, forcing thoughts of a certain blue-haired drugged-up singer to the back of her mind. For now she needed to clean up and relax a bit, get some rest, and clear her mind.

Her pent-up frustrations were the cause of her... shall we say... "experimentations" anyway. Seventeen, famous, and living with her odd family, Noodle had found herself falling short of the whole boyfriend thing.

It wasn't that she wasn't attractive, or nice, or any other sort of nonsense. But try growing up with a big, black man daddy who glares threateningly over your shoulder at anything with a penis (including zombies... gross) and you'll quickly find that boys tend to make themselves scarce around you.

The fact that Kong studios was infested with all sorts of unpleasant things (demons, zombies, and skulls popping from hell-holes) didn't really help either.

And because of her obligation to the band, attending regular school wasn't an option.

So she was a little socially limited on the whole. Not that it bothered her much, but, well, sometimes you got a little lonely.

... And a little horny.

Noodle definitely wasn't an impractical girl. If you could satisfy your own desires without hurting anyone else, then why not do just that? And so instead of girlishly pining away for her first real kiss, Noodle had taken things, quite literally, into her own hands.

So, perhaps it was a little embarrassing. But it wasn't like she was the only one in the world who did it...

Sighing, she stepped under the flowing hot water of her shower, enjoying the feel of the heat loosening her muscles. She closed her eyes, turning her face upwards toward the water, holding her breath and feeling the water gently cleanse her body.

Though growing up, Noodle had been a bit of a late-bloomer, she was actually quite happy with her body, and was fairly confident in her appearence. The pressure to be beautiful as a famous female artist hadn't phased her too much as a child, but as she'd grown older, she was all-too-aware of her awkward body. She was a bit worried when at age fourteen she'd only seemed to grow taller, with no real evidence of growth in the girly-bits she knew were supposed to be getting larger.

But just a bit after her fifteenth birthday, things started to change.

She would never forget the look on Murdoc's face when she'd begged him to take her to the grocery store. He had adamantly refused until she told him what it was she needed, and when she finally gave in and screamed at him ("I NEED SOME TAMPONS, YOU JERK!") he had immediately shut the hell up and taken her to the store.

Chuckling a bit at the memory, Noodle gave herself a pat on the back. For a small Asian teen, she could be quite intimidating if need be.

Her incredible aim when it came to throwing blunt object's at people didn't hurt either.

Nor did her mad karate skills.

Or the fact that she had a razor sharp katana resting at her bedside.

Anyway... Not too many months later, and she'd forced Murdoc to drop her off at the mall. This time no questions were asked on his part, and she'd made her way into the mall to make a quick bra purchase in order to support her new jiggily-bits.

'Jiggily-bits...' she smiled, rinsing out her hair. It was such a funny expression.

She reached forward and reluctantly turned off the comforting water, opening her shower door and grabbing her fluffy pink towel from the towel rack, wrapping it around herself. She needed to go back to sleep, anyway...

Noodle had awoken around three that morning, heart racing and body warm, after having another one of her more intimate dreams. She really needed to stop reading those awful hentai doujinshi, they were perverting her already volatile mind...

It was incredibly frustrating when the subject of your fantasies lived two floors down in a rather secluded room.

It was even worse when said subject of fantasies was completely oblivious to the fact that he was the subject of such fantasies.

But the most frustrating thing was when you couldn't even make a pass at him, because he saw you as his kid-sister.

Stupid blue-haired git, with your stupid seductive voice, and stupid, irresistable, crooked grin.

But most of all, stupid hormones.

Yeah, she would pass on the naughtier scenes for a little while... these late night experimentations weren't exactly her cup of tea. Not that she didn't enjoy the feeling, but it always left her feeling a little lonelier. No one to cuddle with and all that jazz.

Glancing at a picture of her ten-year-old self perched atop 2D's shoulders, Noodle flicked out her light, closing her eyes to blissful sleep with a final thought.

'I hope I'm not falling for him.'

Because p.s., he was just a wee-bit older.

----------------------------------------------------------------

2D woke up slowly, rolling around in bed for upwards of an hour before opening his eyes and glancing at the alarm clock that had never been set (ever). It read 12:00.

2D yawned and sat up, scratching his head and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, before realizing that he'd passed out in nothing more than a towel, which was now tangled up in his legs.

His head was throbbing. Nothing unusual about that, migraines and all... But his mouth hurt like hell too. And come to think of it, something tasted funny in his mouth as well. He disengaged himself from the towel, grabbed a cigarrette, and stumbled to his bathroom, flicking on the light.

"Bloody 'ell..." He mumbled, inspecting his cut lip. "Wot the fuck 'appened las' night?"

Oh. The questions we wished we never asked.

As if on cue, images of the scene he'd witnessed the night before raced through his mind, leaving him staring dumbly at his reflection for several moments.

"... Shit."

Well, so much for blissful ignorance...

... When had Noodle gotten breasts, anyway?

2D shook his head, lighting up his ciggy and looking around for his hydrocodeine to relieve his early morning migraine.

It took twenty minutes before he remembered to check his pajama pants pockets from the night before.

Twist.

Pop.

Swallow.

And now to move on with the rest of his life.

And now to also completely forget what Noods looked like nakey.

And now to feel like a dirty old man looking up the skirts of nice young birds on a windy day in the park.

Well, breakfast would be a start, anyway. Food would get his mind out of the old gutter.

Throwing on what he hoped were clean clothes, and putting on a bit of deodorant for good measure, 2D wandered out of his room to the carpark, heading upstairs to the kitchen to hopefully fill his unhappily hung-over stomach.

He was halted by a terrifying sight; Murdoc slamming open the door of his winnie, cigarrette hanging loosely from his mouth, eyes bloodshot and drooping, tighty-whities barely keeping his boy-bits in check.

2D gave him a happy smile.

"G'morning Murdoc! Lovely day, innit?"

Murdoc shot him the bird before stomping towards the entrance to the studio.

Unphased, 2D followed him inside, staying on Murdoc's trail and chattering incessantly.

"So wot'd you do las' night after I left Tantra? Oh an' sorry I left s'early but I had this wicked idea t'come home an'..." he paused, brow furrowing in concentration, before continutin, "...well, I don't really remember jus' why I left, but I'm sure I had a good reason. Did you ever catch up with that bird you were chatting up at the bar? She wos a real looker, seemed real into ya too..."

By the time they had reached the elevator, the vein above Murdoc's left eye was pulsing, and his eyes were narrowed in irritated rage.

"It's comin' up! It's comin' up! It's comin' up! It's DARE! Haha, tha' never gets old, does it Muds?"

Murdoc took a deep breath, turning around slowly, patented glare-o-death plastered on his face.

"Dullard, if you don't shut the FUCK up right now, I'm going to personally cut out your tongue and feed it to Cortez."

2D blinked, but shut his mouth, realizing that he was apparently pushing his luck with the man before him.

For Satan's sake, Murdoc hadn't even gotten in until six that bloody morning... And he'd had a bit of a run-in with the living dead on his way in as well, which had put him in a rather foul mood. The fact that the blonde bitch he'd scored with ended up throwing up all over him after an attempted blow only stretched Murdoc's already barely-there patience into practical non-existance.

All-in-all, it had been a pretty fucked up night.

And Murdoc really wanted to throw 2D into the hell hole right about now.

He made a mental note to see someone about uninstalling that horrible piece of shit that talked everytime one used the elevator. Fucking Noodle and her innocent face getting that damn thing installed in the first place.

They rode in silence up to the second floor, 2D nervously glancing around, before tentatively approaching the subject that had been on his mind for the twenty minutes he'd been up.

"Say, Muds-"

THWAK.

"Oouuuuuch!"

"I tol' ya t'shut the fuck up. I'm in no kind of mood to put up with you're rambling shit this mornin', man."

2D rubbed the spot on the back of his head where Murdoc had, well, bopped him, and decided that perhaps the subject of Noodle could wait until later...

As the elevator door opened, both men stopped and tentatively sniffed the air, the seductive scent of food washing over them, calling to them like a belly dancer in a harem.

Disregarding his own unclothed state, Murdoc shoved 2D out of the way and headed strait for the kitchen.

"Murdoc, watch out for the-"

"If I 'ave t'tell you to shut up once more I'm going to hang you up by your twig an- FUCK! Who the blooody FUCK put this shit here!"

"-thing."

A creature of habit, Murdoc had assumed that the Big Wheel was still in the same place it had been for the past three years, and had made a path to the kitchen going around said big whell accordingly.

Yet the events of the previous evening had moved the rather bothersome toy directly into the path of the pissed Satanist.

2D gulped.

Hellfire and brimstone were about to come bursting forth from the walls. Dark clouds swirled above Kong Studios ominously, thunder crackling as lightening struck an unsuspecting member of the walking dead. Somewhere, a candle blew out in a sudden gust of wind.

"FACE-ACHE!" Murdoc roared, standing up, picking up the damned toy, and hoisting it over his head.

"Murdoc-san!"

Murdoc looked to his right, glancing at the teen who was staring at him questioningly.

"Bad morning, Murdoc-san?"

"... You dunno the 'alf of it, love." He grumbled, lowering the Big Wheel and turning toward the only member of the band who could get Murdoc to calm down using words.

"Maybe some food will help? Russel-kun has made pancakes and sausage!" She smiled at Murdoc, stepping to the side so that he could enter the kitchen. He stalked past her, helping himself to a glass of water and ignoring the drummer while helping himself to food.

Noodle turned to address the nearly-throttled man before her. "Good morning 2D-san. Sleep well?"

2D felt his cheeks warm discreetly as he looked at her, trying very hard not to remember the way she had looked in the throws of passion, her hair mussed, her lips soft and inviting, begging to be kissed, her eyes heavy-lidded with lust...

"2D-san?"

Her quiet voice snapped him out of his reverie.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I slept awright. Had a bit of a late night though, bit too much to drink an' all, still feelin' a little fuzzy if y'catch me." He scratched the back of his head and smiled at her, patting her head as he walked into the kitchen.

She rolled her eyes. Even though it was endearing, Noodle was a bit tired of the old head-pat. She wasn't exactly four feet tall anymore...

A/N: Decided to take some time to explain some things. I'm a little bit of a kink myself, and I've modeled Noodle's sexual awakening on my own experience (minus the whole never-been-kissed part... I don't have a big black daddy on my ass though) in order to make it slightly more believable. Well, at least to those of us who are big pervy's eh? Anyway, yeah, slow chapter, but things will start to get a bit more interesting as the tension mounts.

Next on Escapades: special guest appearance by 2004's Dawn of the Dead, Russel starts getting a bit suspicious, and Murdoc is shit out of luck. Hah, he's so much fun to fuck with.


	3. Of Beginnings of Movies

The next week or two passed without too much incident, things proceeding as usual, excepting only a few things...

2D had carefully avoided Noodle's room late at night, though at times it was quite a battle to do so.

The man suddenly found himself completely infatuated with the one girl he should completely not be infatuated with, for countless reasons.

But he couldn't help it! Honestly, he'd always loved the girl, even if he wasn't in love with her from the time she had arrived packaged in a plain wooden crate labeled FRAGILE. The thing about it was that the ingredient of lust combined with his affection for her was creating quite an interesting Noodle soup within Stu-Pot.

But he'd managed to carry on as usual, despite several awkward moments when he'd realized he was staring at said Asian, as well as the rapidly increasing thoughts of himself as a dirty old man.

Well, the pills helped a lot, anyway...

But on this particular Thursday afternoon in October, our Romeo found himself quite bored. He'd awoken only about an hour before hand, having attempted to drink Muds under the table at a bar the previous night, and failing quite miserably.

The Satanist was a fucking tank.

The sun was sinking below the horizon, casting beautiful shades of orange-rose across the sky, clashing horribly with the wasteland of garbage and partially dead animals.

Crickets chirped.

The cigarette in 2D's hand crackled softly as he inhaled.

A zombie shrieked and buzzed as it ran into the electric fence surrounding the carpark below.

God damn, there was nothing to do!

2D threw his fag over the railing of the kitchen balcony, stuffed his hands in his pockets, went back inside, stopped off at the fridge to grab several deliciously intoxicating beverages, and made his way downstairs towards his room.

Blink.

Now how did he wind up stopping directly outside the kitchen to stare at Noodle's door?

... Was that music he heard?

Shit.

Bloody, fucking, shit.

2D came upon a bit of a moral dilemma. To peek or not to peek, that, ladies and gentlemen, was the question.

His weight shifted from foot to foot as he nervously looked up and down the hallway. He took a deep breath, stepped towards the door, and decided on a course of action.

Spying was a bit too guilty for him, and he didn't exactly have a legitimate reason this time either (other than the possibility of a free peep show, but somehow his conscience didn't quite think this to be a good enough reason).

So he raised his hand and knocked four times on the door before him.

He wasn't sure whether or not he was relieved when moments later, the door handle turned, the door opened, and there stood Noodle, fully dressed and regarding him with a light smile.

"Afternoon, 2D." She looked him up and down, taking in his slightly disheveled appearance, and taking a guess. "Late night last night?"

He returned her smile with a grin scratching the back of his head with his free hand, saying, "You could say that, ya. Muds an' I had a bit of a contest, all in good fun, an' as usual, he kicked my arse to space. Wish I coulda seen 'im draggin me to the Geep and back to Kong, bet it really pissed 'im off." He chuckled lightly at the thought of Murdoc cursing and trying to get an immobile 2D out of the dingy bar.

"Murdoc-san does not seem to be having much luck lately," Noodle observed, laughing softly at the expense of the bassist.

"Wot d'you mean, Noods?" 2D asked, eyebrows rising.

Noodle blushed, realizing that perhaps it was better if she did not share Murdoc's unfortunate experience two nights ago with the rest of the world.

2D thought she looked cute when she blushed.

"Pardon?"

Oops.

Said that last bit out loud, he did.

"It's cute when you blush Noods," he repeated, seeing no reason to lie, and continuing with a proposition, "Say, it's a bit slow righ' now, and I dun think Murdoc's gonna be callin' a session anytime soon... wot do ya say to watchin a movie and splittin some fizzies?"

Noodle's heart skipped a beat, excited at the prospect of some alone time with her crush. It felt like he'd been avoiding her since the night he'd tripped outside her room, and she was greatly relieved that he was seeking out her company once again.

Her light smile broadened into a grin, her arm closing the door behind her as she stepped out to join 2D in the corridor.

"Sounds like a plan!"

The two wandered down the corridor to the elevator, making small talk by debating over what movie they would watch.

There were no worries about tripping over misplaced objects; Murdoc had snuck up during the night last week and tossed the Big Wheel out into the landfill. No one really seemed to object.

In fact, it was really rather entertaining to watch the zombies drive it around.

By the time they'd reached the carpark, they still hadn't decided on a picture to squander the hours away with.

Miracle of miracles, 2D had a thought.

"Noods... I know ya get a bit tired of the zombie movies, but 'ave you seen the new Dawn of the Dead?"

Noodle couldn't resist the hopeful look in his eyes.

"Actually, 2D-san, I haven't. I figure if I want any zombie action, I can settle for the real thing just outside our house." She giggled lightly to let him know she was only teasing.

"Aw, you'd love it! Not only are the gory scenes beau'iful, there's all this dark humor and deep stuff... it's go' lots o' diff'rent layers to it, kinda like those odd cartoons you're always watchin'..."

Noodle blinked. Leave it to a zombie movie to get 2D to ponder life. Evangelion flew right over his head, but hand him philosophy in the form of the undead and the man understood it like it was his new religion.

"Alright, you have my attention. We'll watch it, but on one condition."

He raised his eyebrows at her in question.

"Wot would tha' be, love?"

"I get to sleep in your room tonight. There is no way in hell I'm sleeping upstairs by myself with those things out there after watching some horrific movie about them."

Noodle looked and felt nervous asking him this question. The truth was, ever since she'd returned to the studio after their four-year split to find it infested with zombies and demonic creatures, she'd had nightmares about them regularly. Granted, she had single-handedly managed to clean out the majority of Kong by herself; she couldn't help but feel as if one day she wouldn't quite be strong enough to protect herself, or those she loved.

And, well, sometimes it got lonely in her room by herself.

2D tried desperately not to think naughty things.

Panties.

Dammit.

Nipple.

Fuck.

Moaning.

Shit.

A very quick debate took place in 2D's head. She'd slept with him many times before, especially when she was younger, so really there wasn't anything wrong with the request. After all, she still thought their relationship was entirely platonic.

He also knew about her nightmares, and wanted to be there to ward them away.

But there was one problem.

If she was curled up next to him, in his bed, warm and inviting... Would he be able to protect her from himself?

'Dirty ol' git!'

But he didn't want to hurt her feelings, nor did he want to give up her company for the evening.

Well, fuck it. He could keep it in his pants for a night, couldn't he?

"Course you can, Noods!" He said brightly, feeling much more worried than his cheerful countenance showed.

But there were ways to take care of that, and he had a twelve-pack of them in his arms.

He opened the door to his room, scavenged his shelves for his beloved DVD, handed Noodle a beer and opened one up for himself.

"Let's jus' not tell Russ 'bout this, shall we?"

She laughed at him openly. Ever since the first time she'd asked him for a taste of his beer when she was fifteen, he'd said the same thing to her. Noodle wasn't exactly partial to getting as hammered as her band-mates, but that wasn't to say she didn't enjoy a few drinks every now and then.

But it was for certain that her big black daddy did not need to know that 2D was supplying her with alcohol.

After all, she rather preferred 2D alive.

And, well, since she was hopeful, with his boy-bits still attached.

She made herself comfortable on his bed while he put in the disk. He flicked off the light and joined her on the bed.

Noodle was fine for the first ten minutes or so.

Then the little girl had taken a chunk out of that girl's husband's neck.

She'd chugged her beer right after, reaching to the foot of the bed to grab another from the box, and then quickly opening it and latching her free hand onto 2D's forearm and gripping tightly, eyes wide as the now-dead man turned on his wife, eyes glistening with hunger and maddening blood lust.

2D winced as the kung-fu grip on his arm tightened even further, and was grateful when it finally loosened and he instead found Noodle's head buried in his chest, one of her eyes peeking out to look at the television, watching in horror as the young blonde woman surveyed the chaos erupting in suburban USA.

Mmmm. Noodle smelled like apples.

Probably tasted like them too.

... Aw. God dammit.

2D found himself following her example. His beer was done in less than a minute. He pulled the box closer to him, fishing out another, eyes never leaving the screen, trying earnestly to distract himself from Noodle's presence.

Which became increasingly harder to do, seeing as how she'd decided she was far more comfortable leaning into him and clutching his arm.

This was not an uncommon position for the two of them to take while watching scary things on the telly.

But this time, it was a bit different... This time, 2D was aware of the movement of her chest against his arm as she breathed, he was aware of how close she was, and most importantly, he was aware of the fact that he was lusting after her.

Well, that was the conclusion he came too after he'd spent the past week wanking in the shower to the mental image of the girl spread out on his bed, moaning and writhing underneath him, greedily asking him to fuck her harder, 2D, please...

Jesus H. Christ.

2D might as well have been watching a porno, what with the semi he was now sporting.

Lord, please don't let Noodle look at his pants.

He was such a horny old fart. He'd seen her grow up for Chrissake! Knew her back when the whole band considered her practically asexual!

2D was suddenly very angry at puberty.

But he let it go for the moment, trying to calm his mind and watch the damn movie.

A/N: Leaving for New York tomorrow, and won't be returning until Sunday... I don't think I'll have access to a computer, but I'll see what I can do. Sorry this chapter was a bit slow and short, but some build-up is in order here. Murdoc's rather shitty experience will come up in the next chapter or so, and Russel will make his appearance soon as well. Oh, and yeah, Noodle drinks. I don't give a damn, she's growing up, and it's a part of the experience. And she's just devious and clever enough to convince 2D to drink with her. Yeah, she's that good.

Next on Escapades: Noodle wakes up and finds that she iz 12 agin o noooooo wat will happen to her and 2d will murdoc get a puppy (pregnant) and iz russel going on a diat for his gostly luver del? OMG STAY TUUUUUNNNNED!1111111111

... Sorry. I don't know where that came from, honestly. I think I've been bombarded by too many retarded summaries.

(this thing was a bitch to spell and grammar check. Fuck me.)


	4. Of Fortune and Zombies

Murdoc had been smacked up silly by the bad-luck faerie's whip.

At least four times.

In the last day.

He really didn't even want to think about the past month(-ish).

Life, generally, had really been fairly good to the man with the mismatched eyes. At least considering that he had done his best to make life a living Hell for most of those around him, anyway. His band was successful, women flocked to him, he was badass with a bass guitar, and could beat all of Ireland in a drinking game.

Which was saying something.

But it seemed that lately, his luck had gone strait to the Hell he'd been serving for the majority of his life.

For fuck's sake, what had he ever done?

Well. Let's just not answer that one, shall we.

But in any case, even Murdoc wouldn't wish what he had endured upon anyone else. It was just too disconcerting and horrific and damn, did he wish he had access to the same pills as Two Dents.

That one broad blowing chunks all over him two or so weeks ago had only been the beginning of his misery. He'd had nightmares about that ever since, to be sure, the sickly feeling of hot, sticky mess covering his abdomen and his dick haunting him even in his waking hours.

But that was nothing to what had happened a few days later.

He'd met a beautiful Asian girl, who'd said she was born in Korea and raised right at home in the United Kingdom. She was about twenty-four or so, and had had the most enchanting eyes, large and dark, long lashes beckoning to him as they sat drinking in a red-lit corner of Tantra, Muds's usual scene.

So of course he'd taken her back to the 'bago, absolutely oozing that dark charm he was so famous for. And everything was going absolutely peachy; she made a kiss feel like sex and had some of the prettiest tits.

Too bad she had a dick as well.

Not that he would ever tell anyone, but the minute she whipped that bad boy out, Murdoc had fainted dead away. Out cold. In the black.

When he woke up, his pants were down around his ankles, he was face down on the floor of his kitchen, his ass hurt, and an empty syringe was lying conspicuously next to his head.

Murdoc himself thought it kind of ironic that he was date-raped by an attractive Asian she-male.

Damn. Bloody Hell.

My name is Murdoc Niccalls, and I'm a rape victim.

He remained drunk by himself inside his Winnebago pondering his sexuality for the next three days, before he decided to telephone 'Soo-yuun,' if only to give him/her a piece of his mind.

It was the number to the Morgue.

Murdoc wasn't sure whether he should be insulted our whether he should laugh about it.

But his red eye now had this irritating little twitch to it, and he felt a bit like he was going mad.

All that aside, Murdoc really didn't think that things could get any worse; after all, once one has hit bottom, there's really nowhere to go but up, is there? So, as any good optimistic Satanist would do, he said his hail Satans every night before bed, insulted everyone more than usual, drank twice what he would normally, and, just for good measure, took a piss in 2D's underwear drawer one night.

But fuck, two nights ago, he had, quite literally, been shit all over.

He was now considering abstinence. And that was really saying something.

-------------------------twilight zone theme song: initiating semi-flashback sequence--------------------------

"'Ello, love. Wot's a girl like you doin' sittin' alone in the corner away from the scene?"

Oh, fateful meetings. How he wished he'd tucked his tail between his legs and run away. Or buried his head in the sodding sand. Something, shit.

She'd smiled at him, looking him up and down before licking her lips and responding, "Waiting for a man like you to come buy me a drink and show me something really fun."

He'd raised his eyebrows. Score, he had a slut who wasn't completely shit-faced (and thus would not repeat his first unfortunate experience). She also didn't have a purse, another plus, because perhaps this time he wouldn't get drugged and raped.

He didn't know if she was a man, but he was eager enough to get some normal ass that he gave her the benefit of the doubt.

They'd sat drinking and flirting for about half an hour when she decided she'd had enough getting-to-know you time and ran her hand high up his thigh, leaning in and whispering in his ear:

"If you get me out of here right now, I'll let you fuck me seven ways from Sunday," she paused, licked his ear, and added as an after thought, "You can put it anywhere."

Murdoc didn't have a devil and an angel for a conscience. He just had two devils. Who'd jumped for joy upon hearing those five little words. Muds liked it kinky, and apparently so did this lovely little creature.

So he'd had a joyful time screwing this girl on a secluded cliff in the Geep, and she'd been a wonderful lay, absolutely everything he'd needed for the past week.

Then she'd turned to him and said, "I want you from behind."

Murdoc wasn't selfish when it came to sex, so he'd obliged, pulling out the handy-dandy lube he kept hidden under the driver's seat, and giving himself and her rear a good coat before going at it.

And lord, had he gone at it.

And then he'd pulled out a bit hard, heard an odd suction noise (like a soft... "pooh!"), before the strangest, most sickeningly familiar sensation came over him.

There was a lot of warm, sticky, messyness on his crotch and abdomen.

Aw. Fuck.

The stench of shit and lube filled his nostrils, and before she could turn around and ask him what was wrong, he'd vomited all over her back.

He'd pushed her out of the car, thrown her clothes at her, and sped off as quickly as he could, feeling more and more disgusting by the minute.

He'd arrived at Kong, Geep ruined and reeking, and stumbled dazedly towards his Winnie to catch a much-needed shower. And then he'd seen Noodle standing distractedly outside of 2D's door.

Murdoc wasn't nearly sneaky enough.

She'd turned around, took one look at his half-naked, shit and vomit covered form, and asked simply, "Bad night?"

He'd nodded slightly.

"Want me to take care of the Geep?"

He nodded again, before secluding himself in his Winnebago.

When he'd woken up in the morning, the Geep was clean. He didn't ask Noodle about it, but simply did something he very rarely ever did.

He gave her a hug, and told her he owed her one.

And that if she ever mentioned it he'd set her room on fire.

He was only half-joking.

-------------------------twilight zone theme song: ending semi-flashback sequence--------------------------

Seriously. How much more would he have to endure before things got back to normal? In any case, he definitely owed Noodle-girl a favor.

If only he'd known how much he would grow to regret that fact.

Meanwhile, as Murdoc reminisced about his unfortunate run-ins, a certain singer sat in an alcohol and codeine induced relaxation enjoying his very favorite zombie flick with a very beautiful, rather intoxicated teen wrapped around him.

His muscles may have been relaxed and numbed, but damn if he was sweating like a whore in church. Noodle had teared up during perhaps the most violent and disgusting scene of the whole movie; the birth and subsequent death of the zombie-baby by its zombie-mother.

She was on her fifth beer at this point, and had crawled between 2D's legs and sat down, facing the telly, her arms wrapped around her legs.

"S'awright, Noods, remember s'not real..." he very loosely wrapped his arms around her, giving her a gentle squeeze, beginning to feel a bit guilty for making her watch the movie in the first place.

"It's just so... tragic. All the man wanted was to create the family that he'd never had. To make his mark in the world through his child, and that opportunity was taken from him in such a horrible way." Noodle broke off, sighing deeply before relaxing against 2D, blushing at their closeness and enjoying his scent.

She often wondered just what it was that made him smell of butterscotch, anyway.

"I know it's sad, but wot they're really tryin' t'say by doin' that is that fate doesn't spare anyone," he paused speculatively as the movie continued in front of them. "Death an' sickness are blind t'race, background, hopes, an' dreams. All the prejudices people have don' really matter in nature, we've jus' blinded ourselves tha' way because we like to make things complicated. S'quite silly really."

Blink.

Blink.

So it wasn't the deepest thing anyone has ever said. But coming from 2D, Noodle was impressed.

Maybe Noodle should start putting subliminal messages into his zombie movies. Perhaps that way he would start to think a bit more.

"That's quite an interesting way of putting it, 2D-san. I didn't quite realize that; I suppose I have not looked deeply enough into the movie."

Damn. Zombie movies weren't supposed to be all satirical of society in such a twisted way. Guess times change.

As the movie went on, tension rose not only in the film, but also in the room. The knot that had formed in 2D's stomach when Noodle had settled between his legs grew even more tense as she finished her last beer, leaned back against him, and had covered his hands in her own, squeezing them tightly as the characters on the screen drove desperately to get to the pier away from the hordes of blood-thirsty zombies.

Noodle could feel her heart beating quickly, her eyes slightly hazy from her drunken state, her excitement mounting as the movie approached its climax. She wriggled in anxiety, only partially conscious of the way that she was moving against a 2D who was becoming more and more uncomfortable by the minute.

This was bloody fucking torture! She was practically dry-humping him through without even realizing it, rubbing that delicious little bum of hers against his groin her hands digging into his own in excitement, her teeth worrying her plump bottom lip gently as she watched the movie.

Oh. Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuckitty fuck fuck fuck.

A familiar warmth pooled between his legs.

One eye squinted as he bit his lip, concentrating on anything but Noodle pressed against him, all hope of focusing on the movie completely lost.

Nothing short of an actual zombie coming into his room could have shaken him from the mantra repeating in his head.

'I won't I won't I won't I won't I shouldn't bloody fuck I can't... CHRIST I must be drunk... I won't I won't I won't...'

The movie ended, and Noodle hopped up, rather gracefully, considering her state, and switched off the DVD player before turning to him.

"Could I borrow something to sleep in? I don't really want to walk through the carpark to my room to get something... The ending kind of put me off a bit..."

Her eyes darted quickly to the door in slight fear before looking pleadingly at 2D.

Damn her innocent little face.

Clapping to turn on his overhead light, 2D quickly got up from the bed, stumbled over to Noodle, patted her on the head, and said, "Sure love. Grab a tee from the second drawer down, should fit ya nicely."

She looked at him hard for a moment.

Well, she was a little braver when she was drunk.

"2D-san, may I ask a favor of you?"

He blinked at her.

"Wot is it, Noodle-girl?"

She stared at him and said, flatly, "I'm not ten anymore, but I feel like I am when you treat me like I am. I really don't like being patted on the head."

She breathed out.

She winced a bit on the inside. That had sounded a bit mean. 2D stared at her, bewildered for a moment before smirking a bit, a look that he didn't wear very often.

"I know you're no little girl anymore, Noods," He said quietly. She tensed, unsure of his intentions, but silently hoping that she was about to live out one of her fantasies in real life. "But tha' doesn't mean I can't still lick ya!"

And without warning he'd knocked her onto his bed, pinning her down by straddling her stomach and forcing her arms beneath his knees, keeping them down with his weight.

He began tickling her mercilessly in her most sensitive area by running his fingers lightly across the place where her neck met her shoulders and chest.

She cried out between hysterical laughs, tears pouring down her face, "2D! 2D-san!" But she couldn't seem to get out the rest between breaths.

It was at this point that he noticed her nipples saying hello to him through her shirt.

And suddenly the situation wasn't innocent at all.

His fingers ceased their movement as he stared down at her, taking in the gooseflesh that had risen across her neck, and the flush of her cheeks due to her exertion in fighting him off.

God, she was beautiful.

He wanted to kiss her so bad...

"2D-san? Are... are you okay?"

Worried green eyes looked into his questioningly.

Fuck, when had his hand moved to her face? He scrambled off of her quickly, running off into the bathroom, calling, "I gotta take a pee!"

She sat up, staring at the shut door, confused beyond confusion.

Had he just almost kissed her?

A/N: Damn this thing is moving slowly. I know, some of the things that happened to Murdoc are downright gross, but damn if they're not funny. Hahaha, I like messin' with him. I figured it was time for his comeuppance to make an appearance anyway... Don't worry though, Muds will get his love in due time, in due time... This chappy is slightly longer due to my absence, but hopefully it was okay... probably not as funny slapstick as the other chapters, but things are starting to get a bit more serious.

By the by, if you haven't seen the '04 Dawn of the Dead, watch the shit out of it. It's fucking amazing.

Next on Escapades: I swear to you Russel will make an appearance. Noodle's eighteenth b-dizzle is coming up as well, and now that she is legal to go clubbing, that is exactly what she plans to do. Jealousy arises. Noodle will eventually ask Muds for that favor. 2D is so horny he's bound to make a mistake sometime soon... but will he regret it?

I have such a dirty, dirty little mind.


	5. Of Russel and Wine

2D quickly decided that the best course of action would be to alleviate his own dirty old bastard self in a quick shower, have a fag, grab a bottle of wine from the kitchen and attempt to get himself to pass out before he did anything else ridiculously idiotic.

Damn, what he would have given to have the girl in the next room up against the wall of the shower, legs wrapped around his waist and moaning his name, her expression lost in the feel of him fucking her gently as the hot water sensitized both their bodies.

It was with this image that he came with a gasp, shuddering with his release and thoroughly enjoying the orgasm while simultaneously thinking he needed to be locked away.

When she'd heard the shower turn on after the toilet flushed, Noodle decided she had absolutely no idea what 2D was thinking. She convinced herself that the awkward moment they'd just shared was a result of him being fucked up, because, well, damned if she was going to get her hopes up.

But whooo shit, he was damn sexy.

When he'd been on top of her tickling her, all she could think about was if their positions were reversed, exactly what she would do to him.

Bad Noodle.

No co(ck)okie.

Ah, Freud. How your slips haunt our poor green-eyed guitarist.

Well when things get awkward, the drunk drink more. So, as expected, drunk minds think alike, and after Noodle had changed into one of 2D's larger t-shirts (she had decided against borrowing a pair of his boxers when she'd noticed the odd, pungent odor that seemed to emanate from the underwear drawer) she'd decided to brave the scary carpark to go in search of more drinkage.

Deep breath.

Open door.

Glance left.

Glance right.

Haul ass across the way to the studio door...

Home free!

Through the studio, to the lobby, up the elevator, down the corridor, to the kitchen, open the door and...

Blink.

"... Er, hello Russel-kun!"

Aw. Shit. Be sober, Noods. Be cool. You're strait.

"Hey girl, what you been up to t'night?" He glanced at her briefly before turning back to the sandwich he was making.

"Nothing much really, just watching movies with 2D-san." She replied, carefully tiptoeing over to the fridge, trying to move as quickly as possible.

He turned and leaned against the counter, sandwich in hand as she opened the fridge.

The large black man looked her up and down.

"And borrowing his clothes, apparently." He said a bit skeptically. It wasn't odd for Noodle to be seen wearing her band mate's tees for sleepwear when she was younger, but it had been a while since she'd worn anything that wasn't hers.

She turned and gave him a nervous smile, her flushed cheeks and slightly glazed eyes giving Russel the idea that she was not in a normal state.

"Well, Russel-kun, you see we were watching a zombie movie, and so I didn't want to sleep alone tonight, and figured it would just be easier to borrow something of 2D's tonight, since I'd be sleeping in his room," she said, carefully articulating her words, grabbing a small container of left over Chinese from the previous evening.

When she closed the fridge and turned around, Russ was right behind her. He took her chin in his hand and asked simply, "Noodle, are you feeling alright? You like a little sick."

She knew her breath reeked of beer. Christ, this had been a bad idea.

She shook her head yes, trying to get her face a bit away from Russel's so he wouldn't catch the incriminating scent of bitter alcohol she knew might as well have been oozing from her pores.

Ah. Too late.

His brow furrowed, a spark of anger igniting behind his eyes.

"Girl, who the fuck gave you somethin' to drink?"

Blast and damn.

Think think think think think.

"I just took a few beers out earlier, I didn't have but two, Russel-kun," she said, pulling away from him quickly. He shook his head at her, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He was a little pissed.

"You gotta drink more than two beers to be swaying like you are right now, girl," He said irritably, noticing her shifting weight. She normally had excellent balance. "Noodle, you don't need to be getting into that shit. You're too young for all that mess... you've seen where it's gotten Muds lately. His ass ain't been outta that trailer sober in two weeks, you don't wanna end up like that, do you baby girl? And besides that, you especially don't need to be drinking around boys... don't ever end up good."

She looked him dead in the eye, then sighed deeply.

"I know you're trying to help, Russel, but I really can take care of myself." She sighed sadly, failing at hiding the disappointment in her voice when she said, "Besides, we all know that 2D-san thinks of me as his little sister. I think I can trust him not to do anything... silly."

Damn.

It had been obvious to everyone but the blue-haired pill junkie that Noodle had begun to harbor feelings towards him. The looks she cast him and the attention she paid to him did not go unnoticed by either Murdoc (even drunk as he was lately) or her surrogate Black Daddy Russ. Russel really hated the fact that she had a crush on the air headed singer, and was not exactly a fan of her being intoxicated around him.

Drunk people always do stupid shit.

Like admit their feelings.

And get their shit ruined.

Because said feelings are either not returned, or are used against them.

Not that 2D would ever fuck and flee with Noodle like that, because Russel would beat his face in and then shit on it.

... At least, Russel hoped 2D wasn't that brain-dead.

"I know you can watch your own back on some things, but Noodle, you're still young, and there's a lot you haven't been through…" He paused, trying to carefully word his next thought. "Maybe it's not such a good idea for you to stay with D tonight."

Noodle could sense that Russ really was concerned for her emotional well-being.

Bah. Complications.

"Russ… I just need you to understand that perhaps it's time I make my mistakes and learn from them. I'm growing up, Russel-kun. I'll be eighteen next Friday, and things are changing," She paused, before she gave in and wrapped her arms as far around the large man as they would go. "But you'll always mean so much to me, and I really do appreciate your concern."

Russel gently hugged her back, feeling a bit put-off, but slowly understanding that he did need to let her make her own choices.

Not that he actually approved of them.

But he hadn't exactly been an angel when he was a teen, and it was due to those experiences that he was who he was.

That's how life rolls.

You live and learn.

And then get Luvs.

With that, Noodle turned back to the fridge, put the Chinese food back, and grabbed the bottle of wine that had been her intended target. Russel turned around, deciding he would rather turn a blind eye.

But that didn't mean he wasn't going to have a little chit-chat with one flighty Mr. Stuart Tusspot sometime relatively soon.

Ten minutes after Noodle had her heart-to-heart with Russ, 2D was busy spending a good fifteen minutes sitting on his ass in the shower, still drunk, but feeling a bit better now that his sex drive was, for the moment, satiated.

He felt like a pervert. He had never cum so hard by himself before.

It was absolutely insane that picturing her sweet little mouth calling to him had rocked him to another world as it had. Imagining himself buried deep within her had almost driven him crazy.

2D was quite concerned.

2D was quite confused.

2D was still quite horny.

This sucked.

Big, hairy, monkey balls.

He pulled himself up, did a quick soap-n-water rinsey, and shut of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist, shook out his hair, and glared a bit at his reflection.

"You're still a dirty ol' fart."

He wrinkled his nose.

"Perv."

Damn it. If he wasn't careful, 2D was really going to have to do a bit of psychoanalysis on his Noodle situation, if only to figure out just what the fuck he was thinking.

Aw. Who was he kidding.

He knew what it felt like to be interested in someone.

And the fluttery feeling he got in his chest from the moment he saw her that night was more than a clue.

Stupid. Git.

He was crushing, at the very least, on a girl over ten years his junior.

Who wasn't even legal yet.

Crimeny.

He turned and opened the door to his room to get a change of clothes, and came to the understanding that whatever deity existing in the heavens thoroughly enjoyed messing with his poor, migraine-tortured, somewhat empty mind.

Noodle was on all fours in front of his bed, ass in the air, stretching to reach something hidden in the bowels of the never-ventured-to land underneath 2D's bed.

His head tilted to the right, his mouth went dry, and his towel almost fell off before he got his shit together and gave himself a good mental kick in the family jewels.

"Lookin' for somethin' Noods?" He asked, pissed at himself when his voice was a bit higher than normal.

She pulled herself up into a squat before she fell backwards, giggling hysterically.

She'd had a good portion of the bottle after her conversation with Russel.

Half(-ish) to be relatively exact.

She was hammered. Little Asian girls didn't hold their alcohol too well.

"It roooooollleddd….under the beeeeeeeed…" …hiccup… "And I can't reash it!"

He quirked an eyebrow at her, quickly pulling out a pair of pajama bottoms and a tee, changing discreetly in the bathroom before coming to kneel down next to her.

"You awright, Noodle girl?"

She blinked at him.

"I'd be better if you'd left the clothes off, Stu-Pot!" She giggled for a moment, then hiccupped before looking at him seriously. "I've never seeeeeeen a boy naked." …hiccup… throw arms above head resolutely… "I've never even been kissed!"

With that she rolled over, stood up clumsily, and threw herself down onto the bed which she had only just been underneath.

"But for now… drank too much. Russ was right… no good. Sleepy time."

She had no idea that 2D had the loveliest view of her white and pink polka-dot panties.

As well as a nice look at the exposed skin over her tan, toned stomach.

She stuffed a pillow beneath her head, oblivious to his presence, before passing out on the center of the bed.

2D fished the bottle out from under the bed, took a long swig, and decided he wasn't ready for bed yet.

He pulled his comforter over Noodle and brushed her hair out of her face.

She gave a light snore and rubbed her face into his hand.

… How could he want to corrupt someone so innocent? She hadn't even had her first kiss!

He was a bigger shit head than he thought he was.

Mostly because he wanted to be her first.

And her only.

Because, well, the thought of some other guy with her… well that just pissed him off.

He sighed, picked up the bottle and his cigarettes, and walked into the carpark to sit outside his door and chain-smoke for a bit. Perhaps he'd go see if Muds was drunk enough to talk to, because fuck, he didn't know what to do about all this shit.

She was so fucking young.

A/N: Story is getting a bit more intricate that I originally planned. Dunno how long it will be though. Sorry it's getting a bit serious, but I tried to leave a bit of humor in there. I've been really quite sad lately, so sorry if this humor isn't all you'd expect it to be. Damn ex-boyfriend is messing with my head. Poop upon first loves. Oh, and don't date anyone in college if you're in highschool. 'Cause mostly, it just fucking sucks. Oh yeah, and reviews are really nice. They've been making me smile when I haven't felt much like it lately. If only to tell me you enjoy what you read, take a second and say it. If you give me constructive crit I will fall at your feet and worship you. I'm off to smoke a ciggy. Adios.

Wine will fuck you up. Six beers plus half a bottle of wine will put me on my ass. Especially if it's all consumed within a two and a half hour period. Talk about drunk.

Next on Escapades: 2D chats with Murdoc, Russel chats with 2D, and Noodle decides what she wants to do for her big 18. Sexual healing, baby. Awright.


	6. Of Manipulation and Dreams

_"I had a dream,_

_Though it made me sick,_

_Saw you in your bedroom_

_Suckin' someone else's dick..."_

_-Sublime_

It had been four days since the following events had taken place: 2D passing out cradling an empty bottle of wine outside his bedroom door; Noodle waking with a headache that made her pity 2D's migraine issues; Russel coming to the conclusion that Noodle was safe with 2D.

Anyone who would pass out outside his room with a perfectly fuckable girl inside was either gay or just not attracted to the girl.

Well, that's what he told himself, anyway.

He still planned to chat with him, if things got fishy again.

But for now, he had to convince the teen in front of him that Murdoc would frolic with 2D through a field whilst dressed in a pink tutu before Noodle got to go out clubbing in celebration of her upcoming birthday.

"Hell. No."

He frowned resolutely. She pouted at him, eyes widening and begging him to understand.

"Russel-kun," she began, quickly searching her mind to produce a reason that she should be allowed to go out. "It's not as if it's illegal, I'll be perfectly of age to enter those places. And I won't even be able to drink, so there should be no concern for me in that area!"

She was putting on her most innocent, adorable, irresistible face.

You know, the one that made her green eyes shine with love for the receiver, begging them to please, please not break her heart by denying her the one thing she wanted most in the world!

The face that got her the "It's comin' up!" installed in the elevator.

Yeah. That one.

Just like butter, Russel was starting to melt.

He sighed.

"Noods, it's not anything you are or ain't gonna do I'm worried about. It's what guys at those clubs are gonna do to you."

She gave him a look.

"You can't honestly think that someone is really going to pull something if I walk in with you, Murdoc-san, and 2D-san? Russel-kun, boys won't come within a four mile radius of this place because they know you live here, and that you're very protective of me."

Well that, and the zombies.

And the whole thing involving their yard being a landfill.

And that sometimes Murdoc made ritual goat sacrifices (so maybe he was dabbling in Santeria, but Satan was starting to let him down a bit lately).

But all that was beside the point.

"Please, Russel? I've never been out before; I'd like to see what it's like to experience that kind of atmosphere..."

She let her eyes glisten with reason.

If she'd looked anymore adorable she would have transformed into a puppy.

Russel turned into a large puddle of warm, yellow liquid. Or at least he felt like it anyway.

"Alright, girl, we'll do it," He paused when she gave an excited smile.   
"But under a couple conditions."

Crap. More complications.

Russel continued, "First, you don't go fuckin' _nowhere_ without lettin' one of us know. And no takin' random drinks some punk-ass gives you. No damn drugs. And if someone's buggin' you, I get to deal with them."

Her smile broadened.

It was nice to have a parent.

Well, at least someone who worried about you. As long as they didn't get in the way of your fun. But she had Russ around her finger anyway, so she wasn't too worried about that.

She didn't want to disrespect him or his rules. But... well, she wanted to know what all the fuss was about. So sue her if she wanted to get fucked up and dance her ass off, and maybe make a few friends in the process.

But she needed him to agree to let her go and to come with her, you know, just in case something did "come up" that wasn't so pleasant, so to speak. So she nodded her head, "Of course, Russel-kun!" gave him a hug, and scurried down to visit Murdoc.

This was going to take some scheming, and she would need some help.

It was about time she asked Muds for that favor.

-----------Twilight Zone: Entering LaLa Land------------------

_Mmm. 2D really liked sour-apple lollies._

_Lick, lick, sluuuuuurp._

_It was a pleasant enough day. The sun was out, so the zombies were all hiding away trying to avoid decay. A vulture chirped cheerily from atop a statue somewhere in the fill._

_And 2D had his lolly._

_Yes, all was going quite well._

_Someone tapped him gently on the shoulder, and he turned around to see Russ standing there looking at him rather blankly, his eyes white and glazed over, looking for all the world quite like he was possessed._

_Oooo. Sign not good._

"_D. We need to talk about Noodle."_

_2D gave Russ a nervous, confused face._

"_Wot about 'er, Russ?"_

"_She's on fuckin' fire, man."_

_Blink._

_Head scratch._

"_Er…"_

"_Blazin' like a goddamn star. All hot 'n shit. Monkeys making babies, dog. Shit's goin' crazy."_

_Russel stared at some random point beyond 2D, who suddenly noticed that it was night time. And who was also starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the drummer._

"_Russ, wot the bloody 'ell are you talkin' about?"_

_Suddenly, he wasn't so friendly. Russel grabbed 2D, picking him up by the shoulders, and shaking him roughly, screaming in his face._

"_You gotta fuckin' put her out, man! She's fuckin' diein' in there! Shit, D, don't you give a fuck?"_

_And then Russel was gone. 2D woke up outside the kitchen, looking vaguely at the sign that read "Noodle's Room."_

_Noises._

_Moans._

_Masculine noises._

_Her room._

_He reached for the handle without a thought, and pushed open the door._

_And there she was, face impassioned, sweat glistening on her forehead, her eyes glazed just as lustfully as they had been the night he'd seen her touch herself. But this time, there was something completely different happening._

_She bit down gently on the dark haired man's neck, squeezing her eyes shut tight as she wrapped her legs around him, meeting him thrust for thrust as he pounded her repeatedly into her futon. Her hands curled, nails raking down the other man's back, and he moaned, quickening his pace, kissing her hard on the mouth as she groped for his ass._

_2D felt, for the third time in his life, real rage._

-----------Twilight Zone: Exiting LaLa Land-------------

Empty black eyes burst open, and a blue-haired man rocketed up, drenched in sweat, his breathing erratic and emotions frantic. For a moment he struggled to comprehend what was going on, because he was so angry he felt like fucking killing something.

A dream. A dream, it was only a dream…

He took a deep breath, and reached towards his bedside table with trembling hands.

Mother, mother fuck.

He grabbed his cigs, lifted himself out of his bed, and walked outside.

Shit, what the hell had he taken last night? Normally he never had dreams, much less dreams that made him… feel so much.

Picturing that image in his head made him want to vomit. Someone else fucking her. It was fucking sick. Fucking wrong.

Fucking she wasn't his!

2D's head hurt like hell. He felt a migraine coming on, and wasn't the least bit surprised. Sighing, he pulled a plastic baggy from his pants pocket and took out his pills, popped one, and sat down next to a column, lighting up a fag and taking a deep drag.

He closed his eyes, thinking for a moment.

Oh, odd occurrence this was. 2D wasn't much of a fan of thinking about complicated things.

Especially when it came to girls.

Or scary dreams involving Russel saying strange things.

Fire… he remembered something about fire, and a lollypop. Also something vague about nighttime. But what really stuck with him was that thing that seemed seared in his mind, almost as if he'd actually seen it.

Why had the dream bothered him so badly? The only other times he'd ever woken up in a cold sweat he'd had a fever, plus that one time he accidentally eaten thirty of Murdoc's shrooms as a snack, thinking they were just chocolate candy.

He hadn't been much of a psilocybin fan since that incident.

But back to the present problem: 2D was a possessive, lecherous pervert who not only masturbated to a seventeen year old close personal female friend, but was now having dreams about getting extraordinarily pissed at an imaginary man fucking said seventeen year old close personal friend.

He was unbearably anxious.

Perhaps it was time to get all this shit off his chest.

He looked towards Murdoc's Winnebago, noticed that the light was on, and lit another ciggy off the end of his newly finished one.

Five minutes of cautious walking.

Ten minutes of staring at the door to what could potentially be 2D's Hell on earth.

Two minutes working up the balls to knock.

Thump, thump, thump.

"Who's there?" Called a cracked, slightly slurred, growling voice.

"Eh, it's me, Murdoc, s'2D."

All was quiet on the western front.

"… Wot the bloody 'ell do ya want, dullard."

2D rubbed underneath his nose a minute, before shrugging and saying simply, "Got woman problems, need some advice."

Thud, thud, thud.

Click, click, screeeech.

He really needed to oil the hinges on that door.

"Ya mean you're not gay?"

2D raised an eyebrow and let his mouth hang open. Murdoc laughed openly at his expression, before letting the blue-haired singer into his most coveted possession.

The black-eyed (pea) man sat down amongst the rubbish covering the floor, and buried his face in his hands for a minute.

"Nah, not gay. Just a fucked up 'ol pervert lustin' after the wrong kinda girl."

Murdoc looked at him quizzically, before turning around and pouring his tenth margarita of the day… night… something, whatever, man.

Ooooo. Alcoholism is fun.

On second thought, he poured one for 2D from his nice, big pitcher as well.

Hurrah for 64-ounce industrial blenders!

"If ya ask me," the Satanist began, "They're ain't no wrong kind of bird…" He suddenly gave a small wince. "…Unless she's got the wrong kinda bits, catch me?"

Now it was 2D's turn to look confused as Murdoc handed him a glass filled with delicious lime and tequila. He took a gulp, and coughed. Okay, maybe a little much on the tequila end. But at this point, Stuart figured he could live with it.

"I don't really know wot you mean, Muds."

Murdoc's right eye twitched.

"… Don't worry 'bout it. Prolly already 'urt your little brain tryin' t'figger it out," he took a long drink from his own glass, before continuing. "I don't get too friendly for long, so you better spit out wot ever the fuck's botherin' ya before I lose interest and decide to mess ya up a bit instead."

2D sighed, and took another drink. It was going to be hard to explain all this without directly saying he wanted to screw Noodle.

And maybe get her to have his babies.

Well, he hadn't really thought that far into it, but now that he mentioned it, that wouldn't be so bad… He'd get to actually be a daddy to these kids, which would be nice…

"Face-ache, get back to this planet!"

The singer shook his head, wiped a bit of drool from the corner of his mouth, and said, "Sorry Muds, just took a bit of a relaxer, must be kickin' in 'bout now."

Murdoc lit up a cigarette.

"Well then, get on with it."

"It's this girl tha' I've actually known for quite a while, but recently, things 'ave gotten a bit.. different." 2D thought carefully before continuing, "I never really thought of 'er as a real bird, you know, she wasn't fuckable, off limits and all. But lately I can't help meself, you know? I been 'avin' dreams an' shit, an' I wanna be with 'er all the time, but there's just way too much wrong with all of it…" He gave a deep sigh. "I'm a fuckin' pervert, man. She's damn young, innocent an' all that rubbish, ain't even been kissed yet. I… shit, Muds, I dunno wot to do. I wanna spend time with 'er, but fuck if I can't trust meself…"

Murdoc watched his fag burning in his hand, taking another drag as 2D trailed off.

He may have been drunk, but he sure as shit wasn't stupid.

2D was talking about Noodle.

This could be either very, very bad, or maybe end up okay.

Very, very bad meaning the ruination of Murdoc's band and all that he had achieved.

Okay being they lived happily ever after and Murdoc got to play drunk uncle that bought the kids liquor behind their parents backs.

He thought for a moment before looking seriously at 2D.

"Well, do you know if she fancies you?"

Murdoc knew she did. But 2D was a little… out of it, and didn't always perceive what was right in front of him.

On the dot, 2D shook his head.

"I dunno, Muds. I don't think she see's me tha' way."

2D's eyebrows drooped downward in thought, his mouth frowning as he finished the rest of his drink.

"It's just… I 'ad this dream, an' I couldn't fuckin' stand it. She was with another guy, an' I woke up ready to bloody kill somethin'. Felt like my damn 'eart fell out of my chest."

Murdoc's eyebrows piqued in interest.

"Don't get all fuckin' sentimental an' shit, dullard." Murdoc sighed, and finished the last drag on his cig. Cortez cawed softly from his perch above 2D's head. "If you're so damn interested, then maybe you should do somethin' about it."

"Like wot?"

Murdoc looked at him seriously. "Well, when women are fuckin' with me head, I either screw them outta my system usin' other girls or I take wot I damn well want. You're choice man. Just don't fuck up an' ruin somethin' good you got goin'."

There was silence for a moment.

"Yeah, guess you're right, thanks Mu-"

Plop.

Oh.

Gross.

Please, please, don't tell him that he's got…

"Dullard, you've got bird shit in your 'air!"

Warm, gooey, ickyness. Oh, God. And it was dripping onto his face!

Hysterical laughter, followed by a knock at the door.

"Come 'in!"

Green eyes glanced at 2D as the door opened. She forced a smile not to appear on her face.

"2D-san, you have poop on your head."

…

"Yeah… better go wash tha' out now… See ya…"

And he pushed past her, towards his room to take a shower.

He really did feel like a shit head now.

Literally.

A/N: Sorry for the pathetic attempt at comic relief. I've had a really bad past couple days. Plus, the story is getting a bit more serious now that all the romance bullshit is coming into play. Oooo, angsty. Hope you still enjoyed, I don't really feel like this was a very good chapter at all. Also, I'm trying to get into the relationships within the band, but feel like I'm failing terribly. I think I'm doing an alright job concerning Noodle; I personally believe that she is wise, but is not beyond manipulating things to end in her favor. She is a teenager, after all. That's what teenagers do. I know. I am one. She's still awesome though. Character development and all that shit later. For now, need to study for the millions of tests I have tomorrow. I'm out.

for those of you who don't know, people will often cover hallucinogenic mushrooms with chocolate to make them taste better and thus, easier to eat. 2D just has a sweet tooth, or else he wouldn't have eaten quite so many. Psilocybin is the active hallucinogen in mushrooms. Yeah, I used to do too many drugs. Sue me.


	7. Of Anger and Eavesdropping

Murdoc wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes before leaning back against the kitchen counter and acknowledging the amused-looking Asian in front of him.

"Wot d'ya need, love?"

She eyed the nearly empty pitcher behind the Satanist. She had been a bit suspicious that he was, once again, drunk when he had immediately allowed her entrance to his holy Winnie, without even asking her to identify herself in the name of Satan.

"Murdoc-san, I need to ask a favor of you... It concerns my birthday."

Murdoc still couldn't quite get over the fact that he wasn't the only one who had been shit on in the past few weeks. It made him rather giddy with excitement, actually. Life wasn't so bad after all, and he was in quite an agreeable mood, and thus, nodded at Noodle, signaling her to continue. After all, he had to admit he owed her... Satan knew there wasn't anyone else who would have cleaned up shit and vomit and not told a soul about it.

She bit her lip a bit in nervous habit, thinking for a moment before continuing.

This operation would require ninja-like stealth.

"Murdoc-san, I've discussed it with Russel, and he's agreed to let me go to some of the clubs you and 2D-san often visit. After all, I will be of age, and he couldn't think of any reason to not let me go." She paused, letting the drunken man absorb her words for a moment. "There happens to be one problem, however. This is where I need that favor from you."

He raised his eyebrows at her. Somehow he just knew that he really didn't want to continue this conversation.

"... Wot exactly will ya be needin' from me, Noodle?"

His words reeked of tequila and skepticism. She looked him square in the eye, immediately going into business-mode.

"I need you to distract Russel-san for me, so that I can be sure to have a good time. This distraction must be done throughout the night, including when we arrive back at Kong. I more than likely won't be in my right mind, and I need you to make sure that Russel doesn't realize this, because if he does, it will be quite a while before he will trust me to go out again. I don't want him worrying about me every time I set foot outside this building."

Hm. Well, that wasn't so bad. Sounded easy enough, all he would really have to do was buy the black man drinks, maybe find him a girl, and get Noodle in a cab back to Kong before Russel could get to her.

"Sure, love, why not. Be glad to." He gave her a lazy smile, before he got a grand idea. "Noodle, love, can I ask you somethin'?"

She had turned around to grasp the door handle, and was about to say kthanxbi to Murdoc before he interrupted her departure.

After all, inside the Winnebago, it smelled like rancid ass and rotten meat with a dash of cigarette smoke thrown in.

"What is it, Murdoc-san?"

He put on the most serious face he could muster up, while inside he was giggling like a little school girl with a puppy.

"You and brain-ache 'ave been pretty close from the day you got 'ere, even when ya couldn't speak a word of English."

She looked at him wearily, unsure of where he was heading.

"Yes, I suppose you could say that," she said, shrugging slightly. "He's always been my best friend."

"Then be honest with me, s'for the good of the band."

He paused for dramatic effect.

He was such an ass.

"D'ya fancy 'im?"

The goat-sacrificing bass player watched the color rise from her neck to her forehead. Hehe. She was all cute when she blushed.

Blink.

Scratch that last.

"... Well, do ya?"

She looked at the floor for a moment before looking back up at him. Sighing and pushing part of her hair back behind her ears, she answered.

"Yeah, I do. But I'm working on letting that one go... Lately it's become quite apparent that he doesn't see me in quite the same way. Besides," she attempted a joke to ease the tension she suddenly felt, "I'm not sure if I'm ready to be surrogate mother to forty kids living in the vicinity of 2D-san's father's theme park."

Murdoc snorted.

"They're prolly all as stupid as 'e is, anyway. Word of advice kiddo, don't ever do whip-its. Huffin' shit is 'ow you end up like 'D."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"And I'm sure it had nothing to do with you hitting him twice with a car." Her small smile let him know she was only teasing, and he laughed openly.

"You shoulda seen the way 'e bounced on the pavement like a little rag-doll. Used to stick things in 'is nose while 'e was out of it, too. Always gave me a good laugh."

How very Murdoc-esque.

"Thank you, Murdoc-san. I'll see you later."

"Bye, Noods."

For some strange reason, Murdoc's nose began to ache as soon as Noodle shut the door. He was instantly reminded of the reason it ached on occasion.

Russel had broken it in five different places.

Murdoc suddenly found himself not quite so sure he wanted to mess with the drummer's pride and joy; Noodle. This, he told himself, called for a drink. Or six.

Fuckin' Paula. She hadn't even been a very good lay.

When he really thought about it, Murdoc had one fucked up sex life.

Maybe he should just give up.

Or be a queer.

... Nah.

Noodle shut the door behind her, shoved her hands in her jean pockets, and walked quickly back towards the entrance to Kong.

Was she really so obvious that even Murdoc could pick up on her feelings for the blue-haired drunkard? Perhaps that was why 2D had been acting so strange to her, maybe he knew how she felt, and was deliberately trying to push her away so that she would know he didn't feel the same.

Actually, that didn't make much sense. They had been hanging out fairly regularly since the evening he passed out outside his room.

But he had fallen asleep outside his own room, in which there had been a perfectly good bed-space next to her.

Maybe he didn't want to give her the wrong idea.

Aw, shit. Thinking sucks ass. She needed something to distract herself, and quickly.

Down the corridor, into the lobby, up the elevator, into the den, turn on the T.V.

Sit on ass.

Wait for birthday.

Whooooo-hooooo.

About twenty minutes of the show she'd been watching had passed when she heard:

CRASH.

sizzle

"Mother FUCK!"

Noodle leapt off the couch, yanked open the door, and flew down the hallway before skidding to a halt in front of the door to the kitchen.

She thought twice about opening it. One never knew what would be behind the doors where strange noises were heard when one lived at Kong. That was, after all, why she never visited the public toilets.

A demon watching you take a pee wasn't exactly a comfortable experience.

She was considering fetching her katana for a moment before she heard a deep voice say, "Just what the fuck ya mean by that, D!"

She heard a small, familiar whimper.

Sounded like 2D.

Five minutes earlier, on the other side of the door outside of which Noodle was standing, 2D had entered the kitchen in order to appease his rumbling stomach. After washing the poop from his hair, he'd remembered that it had indeed been a rather long time since he'd eaten.

Mmmm. Spaghetti. He smelled spaghetti.

Good old Russ, always cookin' up something.

"Afternoon, Russ! Wot's cookin'?" He asked with a smile, peeking over the larger man's shoulder to peer into the bubbling pots.

"Sup, D. Just putting on some noodles to boil." He paused and turned around to face 2D, suddenly remembering he'd been wanting to talk to the scrawny singer. "Hey man, I gotta tell you about Noods' birthday comin' up."

2D perked up at the mention of Noodle's name. Damn, he'd almost forgotten that it was nearly Halloween!

That would mean Noodle would be legal.

2D's heart skipped a beat.

... Maybe he wasn't such a dirty bastard, she wasn't that young, after all, and it's not like he would get in trouble for it or anything...

"Yo, D, you in there?"

Russel was waving his hand rapidly in front of 2D's eyes.

"Uh... oh, yeah, sorry Russ," he said quickly, embarrassed that he'd been caught in the middle of a daydream about Noodle twice in an hour. "Wot's tha' you wanted to tell me?"

Russel shook his head at the doped-up singer. Damn he could be a dullard sometimes, Muds was right.

"She wants to go out to a couple of them clubs you and Muds are always at. Don't ask me how, but she convinced me that it would be a good idea to take her, so that's what we're gonna do. You, me and Muds are gonna take her out and make sure no bad shit happens to her, so don't make any plans. And no visiting any of them skanky-ass bars you're always pickin up bitches at either."

2D cringed a bit at Russel's I'll-fuck-you-up-if-you-do look.

"Awright, sounds good... An' trust me, I wouldn't take 'er to one o' those places," said 2D, a dark look suddenly shadowing his face as the drummer turned to take the noodles off the stove. "You can't trust any of the blokes in those joints, 'specially not with someone beau'iful like 'er."

Russel paused, eyes narrowing a bit in suspicion as he glanced over his shoulder to appraise 2D.

Maybe his earlier approximation about 2D's lack of interest had been wrong. Apparently the singer had noticed that Noodle was, in fact, a bit more grown up than the rest of the band gave her credit for.

2D didn't think very hard before he opened his mouth again.

"Lotta those fucks are jus' there t'get some nice ass. I know if I saw a bird like Noods walk by I'd be on 'er buyin' 'er drinks an' shit."

Russel's eye twitched and he dropped the pot with a loud CRASH.

The boiling water sizzled on his arm.

"Mother FUCK!"

2D looked questioningly at the big, suddenly very, very scary black man, who'd rounded on him wearing a vicious snarl.

He then gulped.

Said that last bit out loud, he did.

He suddenly questioned his relationship with alcohol and pills. Sure, they were fun, and he loved them, but damn if they didn't get him into trouble sometimes.

'Twas, tragically, a love-hate relationship.

"Just what the fuck ya mean by that, D!"

Whimper.

Gulp.

Glance nervously around.

Shrink back into the corner.

Remember switch blade is in other pants.

Shit.

"Err... jus' tha' I mean she's grown up an' all, an' I know wot guys like tha' are lookin' for cuz I am one of them an' so I was jus' sayin' we gotta be careful an' all cuz I don't wanna see 'er get 'urt or anythin' an'... Russ, I didn't mean it like tha'!" 2D stuttered out, feeling ridiculously frightened as Russel's eyes glowed white-hot.

"You been gettin' her drunk and shit, you fuck. You sure you're not just gonna end up being one of those little shits that fucks and ducks?"

2D looked almost hurt. Well, somewhere behind the fear radiating from his face, anyway.

"Russ, I've known 'er since she was ten. I wouldn't fuck 'er over like that," he paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "She's me best mate. I couldn't bring myself to 'urt 'er like that. Besides," he paused again, preparing to save his own ass. "She's like my sister, man. Could you do that to your own fuckin' sister?"

Russel calmed down visibly, but still looked suspiciously at the blue-haired man. Suddenly Russ took a deep breath and sat down at the kitchen table, feeling a little burned out.

"Hey man, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to flip a shit on you like that. I just keep gettin' so damn worried about Noods, you know? She's always been so innocent and genuine to me, and I ain't never had anybody be genuine and real that hasn't died on me yet. I just don't wanna see her get hurt." He looked seriously at 2D. "I know you'd never hurt her. But I can't help but notice that lately she's been acting different around you, and I know she's attracted to you. And I hate that, because there's nothing I can do to protect her from it... I realized that I can't always stop her from being hurt, cuz I can't control who she falls for."

Russel got up slowly and turned back to the stove to drain his noodles.

"I'm just telling you, man. Be careful with her. She's got feelings for you, and if you fuck her up, I seriously will not hesitate to make your nose more like Murdoc's. I like you, D, but don't you dare hurt her."

2D's heart was doing an Irish river dance in his chest. His brain felt like it had left his head and gone up to the sky.

Noodle had feelings for him?

"It... um... yea, s'alrigh' Russ. We're all protective of 'er. I'd prolly 'ave flipped out if someone 'ad said tha' about 'er too." 2D rubbed his right arm with his left hand behind his back, for once in his life, thinking quickly. "You really think she fancies me?"

Russel turned to him. "Yeah. I do, man. Haven't you noticed the way she lights up when she sees you and all that shit? It's like her day changes when you walk in the room. Want some spaghetti?"

2D nodded, and grabbed a plate and a fork, loading himself a plate.

"I didn't know tha'. I 'ad no idea." 2D stated, completely dumbfounded.

Yet ridiculously excited.

"Yeah, well you didn't hear it from me."

Meanwhile, a girl sat in her room, knees hugged to her chest, her eyes tearing up, but her mind refusing to let her get upset.

She'd left her eavesdropping position right as she's heard 2D declare that he saw her as a sister, nothing more. He could never fuck his own sister.

Christ, she was so stupid. How could she have let herself fall for the dumb ass anyway?

Probably because he was kind to her, was there for her, spent time with her, had fun with her, made her feel special, had damn good hair, was handsome, had a child-like innocence about him (though he was far from it)...

Damn. Love sucked.

Maybe she'd be able to get him out of her system this weekend though.

Maybe all she really needed was to be around other boys, and this infatuation with 2D would disappear.

But deep down, she knew it wasn't just an infatuation that could be cured by dancing the night away with some guy.

Fuck it.

She was fucking in love, and had been for years.

Mike the monkey patted his owner gently on the back, offering her a banana in consolation for whatever was bothering her.

She smiled gently at him, a tear falling down her cheek.

"Mike, don't ever fall in love with a monkey that's way too old for you. He'll just think you're his sister."

Mike raised an eyebrow at her. He was okay with English, but damned if he could understand Noodle when she reverted to Japanese.

He settled with rubbing her back lightly.

A/N: Damn. Weird ass chapter, but one I feel is fairly decent, if not very funny. Had to get some of how the band members treat each other across, plus I had to create a bit of drama. Plus, we all know Mike had to make an appearance.

Thank you so much for your reviews! They make me so damn happy. I know I've been forgetting to say thank you, especially to those of you who review every chapter (kindly, trust me, you all make my day). It's nice to hear that this little drabble has some fans, and that I don't just waste people's time with my insanity.

Next on Escapades: Ooooo. Shit happens. They go out for Noodle's birthday, with 2D knowing how she feels, and Noodle ready to pounce on some poor guy to get 2D out of her system... And Murdoc and Russel getting really drunk. Well, at least that's how everyone thinks things will go, and thus far in this story, almost nothing has happened as anyone intends for it to. So, sucks for you, you'll just have to stick around to find out. :P


	8. Of Waking and Wanking

On the dawn of her birthday, Noodle awoke from an excited sleep at a stupidly early hour. She'd been anticipating this day for the past few weeks, and had been so anxious for the coming night that her sleep had been restless for quite a few days now.

Unfortunately, her day wasn't starting out so well.

So, all right, reasonably, it wasn't like she was expecting a fucking shower of roses and breakfast in bed with her band mates surrounding her singing her happy birthday in various keys. But honestly, a girl would think that by _noon _somebody would have woken up to acknowledge the fact that she was a full year older.

For Chrissake, nobody had even gone out the night before! There was no reason to sleep late!

Noodle piddled away the morning and afternoon by first working out, showering, lazing around watching T.V., messing with her guitar, and then by finally deciding that by three o'clock in the afternoon the boys should be rather well rested.

She was feeling a wee tiny bit mischievous. After all, they could have at least gotten her a goddamn cake.

And so, she devised for herself a mission. First objective: wake up 2D, perhaps by dumping water on his face, or if he's really passed out, dragging him to the shower and turning on the cold water full blast.

Second objective: … We'll figure that out later.

And so Noodle, in her daisy dukes and loose-fitting tee, whistled to herself as she made her way to the car park.

Ah, the picture of seductive innocence. A picture that is about to do something really rather rude.

Noodle stepped out onto the concrete, creeping past the silent Winnebago, carefully making her sneaky way to that door which led to 2D's... cave.

She hadn't allowed herself to dwell too much over her sadness about 2D. Or, rather, mostly she just punched through her punching bag one night while letting out some frustration and decided, amidst the explosion of dust and sand (that had taken the rest of the whole freaking night to clean up) that it would be better to just try and move on as quickly as possible.

For the sake of all punching bags.

And monkeys named Mike who might happen to get in her way.

She approached his door with caution, quieter than one could ever imagine. She absorbed the sound she made. Like a ninja, she was _negative sound._

As she turned the handle to the door, the ensuing -click- noise sounded like a godforsaken bomb going off. To her currently sensitive ears, it sounded as if she might as well have thrown a grenade at the door.

But she knew it wouldn't wake him up. No, not just yet.

Push open door.

_Tippy-toe._

_Oooo. Stealthy._

Avoid cans, ciggy butts, and other debris.

Approach bed with caution.

Analyze prey...

And just as she was about to decide whether he was in a state where she could drag him to the shower without him waking, she suddenly heard a very interesting sound come from the general direction of the man on the bed.

"Ooo... Fuck... Yea, tha's it..."

Blink.

Was he awake?

... Oh, God.

OH GOD.

Was he...?

"Mmm... cum for me..."

Noodle picked her jaw up off the floor, raised both her eyebrows in surprise, and damn near shit herself when 2D suddenly rolled over in his bed, still dead asleep.

Oh.

OH.

Now she wasn't an ignorant girl. Noodle knew a damn hard-on when she saw one. So she figured that now would be a helluva great time to haul ass out of this room and go sit and be embarrassed by herself for a little while.

But, oh, curiosity, that little cat, didn't mind getting shit on quite as much as Murdoc did.

Ah. Fuck.

She really wanted in on this dream... God knew she had enough of them involving him to last her a lifetime. She almost felt she was owed this show that she was currently privy to.

... But then again, she was most definitely invading his personal space, and, well, he would probably shit a brick if he knew she was watching him while he was having a naughty dream.

Heh, he'd probably just shit a brick from the knowledge that she knew how big his penis was.

She winced a bit, because damn, that shit would hurt first time around...

Noodle shook her head violently. What the hell was she thinking? Why the hell was she still in here?

"Noodle..."

SAY WHAT?

"... Noodle, just like that..."

Screw leaving. That was out of the question. If he was actually dreaming of her, which, well, he actually shouldn't and couldn't be, since she knew that he didn't want her in that... er... physical way, well, she was damn sure staying.

You know, just to make sure he didn't... hurt himself?

Okay, yeah, that was stupid.

But she didn't need a legitimate excuse. She was entitled to a bit of perversion after a life of chastity.

Well, outside of her hand.

But anyway.

For now, she was going to have some fun.

She crept backwards and closed the door to his room, using the Christmas lights strung at the ceiling to light her way towards the slumbering singer.

'Happy birthday to me...'

Sitting down on her knees next to him, she quietly whispered, "2D-san..." and, just for kicks, emitted a soft groan.

His response was immediate.

"Y'like tha'..."

Hehe. Oh, this was so naughty.

"Please, 2D-san... Oh, God, please..."

He only moaned in response, the movements he was making in his sleep become more erratic as Noodle continued to play with him.

Fuck if she wasn't getting turned on.

"Mm, 2D! Ahh, oh, I'm.." she whispered, pitching her voice higher to make it sound as if it were in a lusty frenzy, clenching on the verge of orgasm.

His voice caught, he gripped the sheets, and Noodle noticed an odd sound.

Spurt.

Spurt.

And all at once, the gravity of what had just occurred hit her.

Had she just temporarily lost her fucking mind? She had just watched her crush gizz all over himself while he was having a wet dream about her, which she helped narrate!

Oh. My. God.

And 2D woke in a daze to feel himself covered in, well, himself, and to see his door shut quickly behind whoever just left.

Nice and embarrassing start to the day, that was.

As one Mr.Tusspot sat up, dazed, yawning, our heroine stood wide-eyed on the other side of the door, hot, bothered, embarrassed, humiliated, and, above all, having a very odd birthday.

Best to flee the crime scene. After all, she wasn't sure her insurance covered this sort of thing.

Noodle tried to look as normal as possible as she strolled at lightening speed back across the carpark, hardly looking where she was stepping. Her mind was so one-track that she hardly noticed Cortez caw at her indignantly when she nearly stomped him to death on her retreat.

"Wot's the matter, Noods? Ya look like you've seen a bloody ghost. Oh, an' 'appy birthday an all tha'."

Perfect. Awesome timing, Murdoc. No, seriously, you must have been waiting in the wings for your big moment.

"… Good morning, Murdoc-san." she replied, taking a deep breath and turning around to look at him. "I'm fine, just a bit… distracted, I suppose."

Murdoc leaned against the side of the Winnebago, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and lighting up his post-sleep cigarette. He looked up at her, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Wouldn' 'ave anythin' to do with the dullard, would it?" he asked.

Despite her valiant effort, Noodle could feel the blush radiating heat waves from her face.

"… Could we, um… Just not talk about it?" she asked, her eyes demanding that he leave the subject alone.

"Sure," he shrugged, although inwardly a bit thrown off by her behavior. "Wot time are we headin' out tonight anyway?"

Noodle shook her head a bit to clear her mind of the extremely naughty thoughts she was unable to block. Not for lack of trying, either.

"Erm, well I believe we shall leave a bit later in the evening, say around nine o'clock. I want to make sure I can have a few drinks before we get out to We-Card land."

Murdoc nodded, taking a deep drag off of his ciggy.

"Awright. An' I'll make sure Russ 'as a few before we go out. An' Noodle… Don' let StuPot get to ya. Shit'll work itself out. Usually does, anyway."

"Hai, Murdoc-san… Thank you. Oh, and we're all eating dinner together, I'm gonna see if Russ will make a cake. I'll call you when it's ready." She offered him a smile, knowing that Murdoc actually giving good advice was rare, and it was even more rare a thing that he would show her so much affection.

"Right. I'll be in town for a few hours, but I'll be back. See ya."

She watched him put out his fag and head to the Geep before she went into Kong, her mind heavy with thoughts of a naked 2D.

Well, more specifically, a naked Noodle with a naked 2D while both of them did naked things.

But there were things to be done before tonight, and so Noodle tried to throw all the thoughts out of her head. She headed upstairs to the kitchen to find her big black daddy man.

Meanwhile, 2D was just stepping out of the quick shower he'd taken to clean off his spooge, when there was a knock on his door.

"Face-ache! You up? We gotta talk, so you're gonna take a little ride with me to town."

2D winced a bit. Well today just became _awesome._ No better way to start the day than a suicide ride with Muds…

"Awright, just gimme a minute…"

A/N: And so our evil author proceeds to take forever to update, only to leave you with a total piece of poo for a chapter and increasingly slow progression. Fuck a duck. I'm really not happy with this chapter, but things will get better, I just need to freaking get the characters through tonight and all will become clear. I'm going to try to add some more humor elements, because, well, this just wasn't very funny at all, I'm just a little dry right now. Oh, and boys, you suck. Just in case you didn't know. Promise there will be an update by the end of the week (probably sooner, but I gotta give myself a deadline.)

Adios, muchachos.


	9. Of Driving and Scheming

SCREEEEEE.

HOOOOONK!

"'Ey, Fuck you ya bloody git!"

2D gulped shakily, looking behind him as the car they'd almost hit promptly ran into a fire hydrant. Early trick-or-treaters gathered jubilantly to play in the ensuing spray. The pissed off balding fatass who owned the car got out and promptly had an aneurism.

And one Mr. Tusspot had a feeling it probably wasn't the greatest idea to go for a joy ride with Murdoc on Halloween.

"... Er... Murdoc, ain't you supposed t' stay on the left side of the road?"

Said Satanist promptly gave a snort.

"Well if the fuck in front of me had had the sense to speed the fuck up or some shit I wouldn't 'ave 'ad t' pass 'em!" he spat angrily, green-tinted hands turning white at the knuckles from his death-grip on the wheel.

"M-Murdoc we're in a fuckin' neighborhood! Speed limit 35 Km an hour!" 2D responded, holding on for dear blue-haired life to his seat belt.

"... Ya point?"

Fucking Halloween...

Oh. Shit! Halloween!

"Noods' birthday!" 2D blurted suddenly, the realization slowly dawning in his drug-rotted brain.

Once again. With the gears. And the turning. And the being heard far away in space.

"Y'know wha' I think ya problem is, dullard?" Murdoc asked, screeching to a halt in a parking spot directly in front of a fairly nice winery.

2D peeled his hands off of his seatbelt.

Hm. Had he wet himself? He felt kinda wet, and, well, rides with Muds were always scary.

"Dammit, dullard, I'm tryin' t' tell you how stupid I think you are and you can't even respond to me so I can tell you you're clinically retarded!" Murdoc shouted in the singer's face, a bit of foam gathering in the corner of his mouth as he raged.

2D sat stunned in the car for a full five minutes after Murdoc stormed out of the car and into the winery.

What the hell had he done to piss him off anyway? Granted, irrational bouts of screaming from Murdoc weren't uncommon, but lately they'd been a bit on the few side, luckily enough for our currently unfortunate hero.

After a minute 2D got up to follow.

Well, first he had a fag.

Or three.

But eventually he meandered into the store.

The soft little 'ding ding' of the bell clanged behind 2D as he pushed open the door.

The door... to heaven.

Alcoholic heaven.

To his right, rows beyond rows of innumerable bottles of wine, from the cheapest of shit to the most delectable kept high up towards the ceiling in glass containers.

To his left, beer imported from all over the world, several from small town breweries in Germany that normally didn't even ship out.

Oh, and to his immediate center.

Oh, blessed glory with a full-blown Alleluia chorus in the background.

LIQUOR.

Bourbon, vodka, whiskey, scotch, rum, whatever the hell Jager is, what was basically moonshine, and something that looked suspiciously like absinthe.

Enough alcohol to get all of England retarded for an evening.

And Murdoc was already at the checkout counter. 2D ran up to him.

Well, he sprinted the two feet his lungs would let him before they gave up with a small -pooh- sound.

"Murdoc! 'Ow come you never tol' me about this place?" 2D said, panting a bit, eyes wide and shining like a kid at Christmas. Murdoc looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

"Because if I 'ad, you'd be drunker than you usually are all the time an' you wouldn't be able to work," he said, pausing for a moment to grab two of the several bags of various supplies he'd purchased. "I only made the exception for today 'cause I needed t' drag your useless arse out somewhere to talk to you 'bout somethin'. Now grab the rest o' the shit an' come on!"

2D blinked.

"Wot's all this for?"

"Tonight... and later in the week. Plus a bottle of some expensive champagne for Noodle's birthday present."

2D shrugged and tottered outside under the weight of the clanking bottles he carried. After dumping his load in the Geep (the second 'load' that had been 'dumped' in the Geep recently) he strapped himself in to prepare for another near-death experience.

However, Murdoc didn't start the Geep. Instead he pulled out a fag, lit it, inhaled, and blew out the smoke.

"Wot'd you do t' 'er earlier?"

2D gave Murdoc "the look."

You know, the one he gets when he's confused. It's on his face most of the time. One eyebrow raised, eyes blank, possibly drooling a bit...

Yes, that look.

"Don' tell me nothin' fuckin happened. She came from the direction of your room this mornin' lookin' white as a fuckin' ghost and so distracted she practically ran the fuck over my bird. Wot. Happened." Murdoc was now looking at 2D with an intense and skeptical gaze.

There were some grinding noises, but no turning of the gears.

"Murdoc, I don't know wot you're on about. I 'avent even seen 'er t'day. Honestly!" he said, his voice becoming slightly more panicked as Murdoc emitted a small growl. "I jus' woke up an took a shower cuz I 'ad one of those naughty dreams an'..."

-enter twilight mini-flashback zone-

...A groggy 2D woke from his, well, orgasmic dream to see the sliver of light from his open door disappear behind an exiting figure...

(some rust falls away from the gears in 2D's head)

-mini-flashback 2-

...Her presence had felt so real right before he'd woken up, almost like if he'd reach out, he could touch her...

(the gears squeak in strain, almost there...)

-mini-flashback 3-

...The sound of her voice, damn, wet dreams hadn't ever felt _this _good...

(click. and the gears turn. sound in space, all that jazz.)

-exit twilight mini-flashback zone-

"... Fuck."

Murdoc looked at the suddenly mortified looking singer, who was currently hitting his head against the windowpane.

"Stop tha' dullard, and tell me wot you're on about. Ya don't 'ave any brain cells to waste with that shit anyway... "

"She fuckin' saw me 'avin' a naughty dream. She. Fuckin'. Saw."

Several birds flew out of the nearby tree at Murdoc's uproarious laughter.

"You fuckin'... haha, are you fuckin' _seriuos_. She saw you 'avin a goddamn sleep wank! Shit!"

2D glared at Murdoc.

"S'not fuckin' funny Muds! Fuck! Wot am I gonna do?"

Murdoc let his laughter taper off, and said, still snickering, "Make a move. Can't 'urt, anyway. She already know's you're sniffin' 'er knickers an' shit..."

Followed by another bout of merciless laughter, and the sound of the Geep cranking and screeching out of the parking lot.

'I am such a fuckin' pervert. Fuck. I can't believe this shit!'

Murdoc didn't speak again the entire trip back to Kong. 2D ignored the fact that his life was on the line in favor of freaking out about the latest development in his little world.

Murdoc was the retarded one if he thought 2D would actually follow his advice. Noodle probably thought he was a dirty old fuck who read too much porn. What thirty-something freak has wet dreams, anyway! That shit was supposed to be done when you were like 18!

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Well, then again, he hadn't gotten himself laid in a while. He'd slept with a nice looking blonde about a week before he'd… er… experienced his first taste of Noodle.

But his dick hadn't had any company save for Mary Palm and her Five Sisters in the ensuing weeks.

Which was probably why he'd had a dream.

His body was just telling him to _please_, go fuck _something_.

But, well, maybe she didn't see him that way. Maybe she understood that it was something that just kinda happens.

Now 2D was just being delusional. Of course she thought he was pervy! And if she'd known he was dreaming about shagging _her…_

Well, he'd probably have his balls in a jar next to his bed right about now. Her katana was sharp enough for a clean cut.

As the pain of an on-coming migraine hit, 2D decided that thinking about his humiliating experience probably wasn't a good idea.

And so off to LaLa land he went, courtesy of our good friend Vicoden.

Meanwhile, back at Kong, a smiling, whistling Noodle stepped out of the shower, grabbing her huge fluffy towel and wrapping herself snuggly in it before wiping the steam gathered on the mirror.

She gave herself a sultry, seductive look.

"Tonight is the night, Noodle-girl. You're doing this tonight."

After all, what was more of an open invitation than the knowledge that your crush had naughty dreams about you?

… And that you talked him through it so he came?

'It's my birthday, dammit,' she thought, scratching Mike behind the ears as she sat down on her bed to think of the coming evening's outfit. 'And I'm going to finally get what I want.'

Oh, snap.

Watch out, 2D. You've got a whoooooole lot coming…

(er… yeah, the pun was intended.)

A/N: I kick the ass. Update a day later! Whooo-whoooo! Where da gol' at? It's right here bitches! I found the fucking leprechaun of Mobile!

…Sorry. I'm just really excited that I finished this chapter, because all the good shit happens after this. I finished the outline for the story today as well, and I guesstimate Escapades will end somewhere around 15-16 chapters. The fun's not over yet, kiddies, hold on like Murdoc's driving, it's gonna be a rough couple chap's! (though definitely humorous.) FREAKING CHOCOLATE BUNNIES TO ALL MY REVIEWERS. You kick the ass too. For putting up with my craziness. And laziness.

I r the queen of long a/n's. I'll shut up now. Adios.


	10. Of Champagne and Tequila

Well, fuck.

For the first time in quite a while, Noodle was having an incredibly girly freak out moment. It was stupid, really, and had anyone been around to witness her lack of collectedness, she would have been shamed beyond all reasoning.

Since when had she ever given a damn about what she wore? Especially in front of her bandmates! Shit, this is the same girl who went through a bit of an army phase for a year... and then changed to Japanese Street Fad... and then there was the whole Sailor Moon week which Noodle would rather just all-around forget...

Anyway.

Noodle chewed on her thumb, her eyebrows knit together as she surveyed the complete wreck her room had become during the small conniption fit one eighteen year old guitarist had suffered moments earlier.

Her decision to try and... Dear God, she was serious... _seduce_ 2D had left yonder heroine in a state of teenage self-consciousness. Couldn't wear that, because it made her look like a slut; that wasn't really to go out in public in; maybe that was too dark, she needed more color; too bright, and it might make her stand out...

Bloody hell.

She took a deep breath, folding her arms across her bare chest, letting her eyes slip closed. A bit of self-hypnosis would be necessary to avoid the full-blown panic she felt bubbling up in her stomach like bad tofu.

'_We are not bound by the world, but rather, are freed by the infinity of the spirit. Reconciliation with the self will defeat all worldly boundaries, for the world is finite, bound by laws; laws by which the sprit is not bound.'_

Okay. This was simple. Just... pick out something comfortable.

Yet despite her inner wisdom, Noodle's lack of experience left her hesitant and worried. Yet, being Noodle, she valiantly faced the monster pile of clothes in her room, and those that were rejected felt the shame of the return to the closet, and the outfit which she was left with left her satisfied with herself.

She checked one of the clocks hanging on her wall.

Show time.

Some thirty feet below the room out of which the young Asian girl was walking, 2D was just getting out of the shower, quickly helping himself to a glorious shot of tequila that he'd prepared right before his quick scrubby-scrub.

He hadn't seen Noodle once all day.

Yeah, he felt kinda bad. It was her birthday, after all, and he hadn't even been able to grow the balls to go let her know he'd remembered.

Well, the whole thing where he'd exploded in his pants while sleeping, which she happened to see, kinda threw him off a bit.

Fuck. Who wouldn't be embarrassed?

2D grabbed a lime and sucked on it immediately after his shot to clear the tang from his mouth, and quench the sweet burn he felt in his esophagus.

So, yeah. He'd been drinking since he and Muds had gotten back from the store. But it wasn't really entirely his fault! Muds had laughed in his face and shoved a fifth of tequila in his arms saying, "See if you can get yourself a proper lay before your penis falls off."

And who was he to refuse free liquor?

So four margaritas and two shots later, 2D was feeling a little better and a lot less embarrassed about what had happened.

Unfortunately, he was also horny as hell.

However, there was another thing that had been occupying the relatively empty space inside the head of our hero.

And this small fact was that Noodle had feelings for him, and not just the friendly kind. Just what he was going to do about this little development was actually becoming a bit of an issue for Mr. Tusspot.

2D was a logical kind of guy. Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. Boy and girl have sex. Everyone wins.

Yet, he also understood that sometimes there were complications. For example: Boy likes girl thirteen years his junior who he helped raise from age ten. Girl has feelings for boy, who is a dirty pervy git, and subsequently catches him having a naughty dream about her. Do boy and girl still have sex?

No one knows.

And this, friends, is one of two dilemmas in which 2D finds himself as he tries to force his head through the armhole of a (hopefully) clean t-shirt.

KNOCK.

"Jus' a minute!"

KNOCK. KNOCK KNOCK!

"Keep it chilly I'm not decent!"

"Fuckin' hell dullard, you're such a fuckin' woman!"

2D finally managed to get his head through the right hole and went to open his door. Ah, a hiccup. Fucking hiccups. 2D really hated hiccups.

"Wot's the rush Muds?" he said, the words bubbling from his mouth in a happy string.

Ooooh. He was really starting to feel that last shot.

"... You smell like my cellmate in Mexico. You ain't already smashed are ya?"

2D just smiled widely at Murdoc and showed him the 2/3 of the way full bottle Murdoc had given him earlier.

"Bloody 'ell, two dents. Well, anyway, get your shitty ass outta yer room an' get up t' the kitchen. We're all eatin' and drinkin' before we leave out for Tantra." Murdoc said, turning away from 2D and walking toward the entrance to Kong.

2D turned around and grabbed his jacket before following Murdoc toward Kong.

Hic.

Hic, hic.

Hiccup hiccup hiccup hiccup hiccup!

"Fuck, Tusspot! Can you do somethin' about tha' bloody noise!" Murdoc bellowed, rounding on his bandmate as they waited for the lift.

2D hiccupped again, getting silly thought.

"Cram it up yer arse, Murdoc. It's fuckin' hiccups, mate," hiccup, "I can't do shit about 'em."

Murdoc's newly installed 'this is going to be a bad night' radar started to beep lightly as the vein in his temple began to throb with barely-checked irritation.

Why the fuck had he given the dullard that tequila? Oh, right, he was a sadistic bastard. Unfortunately, Murdoc got the uneasy feeling he was going to pay for this particular act. Kind of like the time he got Mike the monkey drunk...

Shit.

Murdoc and 2D rode the elevator in (relative) silence. Save for the hiccups.

As the drunk one and the slightly drunk one walked into the kitchen, Russel gave 2D a questioning look as he put out the meticulously made sushi roles.

"Yo, 'D… you alright, man?"

Murdoc snorted. "E's fuckin' plastered already. Found 'im in 'is room like this."

The Satanist figured it was best to avoid blame. After all, there were two things in this world Murdoc feared: disturbing sexual encounters, and a Noodle scorned.

"I'm not tha' drunk, really," hic, "It's jus' the damn-" hic, "-tequila gives me the sodding-" hic, "-hiccups!" 2D protested, stumbling towards the fridge and pulling out a cold one. "Hurrah! Fizzies!"

Russel and Murdoc gave each other a look as 2D wandered over to a chair and proceeded to hum happily as he served himself sushi and popped open his beer. Russel immediately turned his attention to 2D as the singer picked up a piece of California roll and nearly popped it in his mouth.

Russel grabbed his arm before the small piece met its destination.

"Man, we don't eat 'til the birthday girl gets here, drunkass. Wait."

Even in his frilly pink "kiss the cook" apron, Russel still managed to terrify most people around him.

"S-sure, awright Russ…" 2D said, gently pushing his plate away and backing his chair out from the table.

"Well he won't have to wait long, because I'm starving and it's about damn time we started celebrating my birthday."

All three men looked towards the doorway to great their little Noodle, fresh blood to the world of Adulthood, and promptly felt their jaws hit the floor.

Noodle smiled self-consciously.

Maybe the little black strapless and the heels had been a little much. Ah, fuck it. It was her birthday, it was the first day society recognized her as an adult, and shit if she wasn't going to look the part.

2D had just died and gone to… well, he wasn't sure whether it was heaven or hell quite yet. Kinda depended on the ending.

Hm. If Gorillaz ever fell apart, 2D could look into being a pornography director, or perhaps even a screenplay writer, because he had quite a few interesting ideas running through his head right at that moment.

And, well, he couldn't really help it. The girl he'd been obsessing over in the most recent chapter in the book of 2D's life was standing shyly in front of him, smiling gently, bangs covering her emerald eyes only slightly, her hair pulled back so that the slender, gentle curve of her neck was shown off. Her lightly tanned skin glowed against the black silk of the little dress she wore, hugging her body like a glove and only flaring lightly at the hips.

Hm. It just got very hot.

2D took a looooong gulp from his beer as Russel finally got his shit together and told Noodle, "You look nice, baby-girl."

She smiled at him brightly, glancing briefly at 2D before saying, "Thank you, Russel-kun! Now, food…"

She sat down gracefully at the table next to 2D, who had not only managed to forget temporarily about the "dream incident" from earlier that day, but had also pulled his head out of his ass long enough to give her a (very) light hug.

"Appy birthday, Noodle-girl!"

She returned the hug, squeezing him tighter than he held her, nuzzling her head into his neck a bit.

Wait, what? Nuzzling him?

Murdoc grunted as he sat down across from Noodle.

"Yeah, yeah, all tha' shit. Noodle, love, you want your presents now or later? Coz I think yer gonna want t' go ahead and start on mine…" he said, presenting Noodle with a brown paper bag that had a shoelace tied haphazardly around the opening to hide the present from view.

Noodle chuckled at the wrapping.

2D was still confused about whether he'd imagined Noodle's intimate gesture a moment ago.

"Sure Murdoc-san, I'll open them while we eat."

And with that she undid the knot, pulled out the rather large bottle of expensive champagne, and proceeded to pour a round of drinks for all present. Save for 2D, who said he'd have a glass after he finished his beer.

Still confused, but a bit too drunk to really care, said singer dug in his jacket pocket for a minute before pulling out a small light blue velvet box. He placed it in front of her as she popped a bit of sushi in her mouth, looking at her brightly, and saying, "Open mine next, love!"

Hic. Hiccup!

"… 2D-san, maybe you should get some water or something…"

He gave her a patented pretty boy grin.

"They'll go away in a bit, jus' all tha' tequila I drank…"

Noodle raised both her eyebrows. Her whole part of playing the seductress just got a whole lot easier. After all, if it blew up in her face, maybe he wouldn't even remember.

She shook that thought out of her head and picked up the small box in front of her.

For a brief, insane minute she thought it was an engagement ring that would be inside the box. But after a quick mental slap she opened it, and inside rested a small platinum charm.

She giggled a bit, and 2D smiled at her, explaining what she already knew. "It's ya name in Japanese! Had to get that specially made, they didn't really understand why I wanted it t' say 'Noodle'…"

Noodle thought it was sweet. She thought it was hilarious. She wanted to hump 2D's leg for being so damn adorable and sexy.

She took the charm out of the box, and hooked it around her neck on its small silver chain.

"Thank you 2D-san, I love it."

She winked at him, and she could have sworn he blushed.

But maybe he was just red from all the alcohol. After all, he smelled as if he'd dunked his head in a bucket of tequila.

'_She doesn't seem to think I'm too much of a pervert…'_ 2D thought, turning back to his food as Russel presented Noodle with his gift. She hadn't flinched away from his hug or his gift or given him any weird looks or anything…

Perhaps tonight would go better than he originally thought it would.

Alcohol and cake reined supreme over the next few hours. Drinks were poured, Russel watched 2D suspiciously while helping himself to the eight-layered cake he'd made earlier that day, Murdoc made sure Russel's glass stayed full, and Noodle flirted lightly with a surprised yet delighted 2D.

As the last drops of champagne were poured, and the last empty cans of beer were aimed and thrown at zombies frolicking in the landfill below, the night began.

Off to the Geep, with Murdoc behind the wheel, all of them drunk, Noodle with her head on 2D's shoulder in the back seat, him with his arm around her.

Oh yeah. Things were definitely looking up.

Unfortunately, Mr. Niccals's "this is gonna be a shitty night" radar was beginning to beep louder and faster than before.

A/N: Dear God. What a day. I'll spare you the details, but it was long, and I didn't go to sleep last night. Anyway, this was a long chapter, I feel like my whole story reads like a horny eleven year old wrote it, and all around I'm having a big writer's fart or something. It's very encouraging to hear that all of you are enjoying the story, though! Yeah, and there will still be 5-6 more chapters, so don't get you're panties in a twist just yet.

By the by, a lot of this story is meant to be silly and a bit of a parody, so if some things seem overly cliché, trust me, they were meant to be. It's part of my inability to be original, the joy I get from mocking myself, and the humor that seems to be the spawn of the two.


	11. Of Mistaken Impressions

Upon arrival to Tantra, the first thing our young (slightly intoxicated) Noodle noticed was the sheer intensity of the club.

"Boom-ch-boom-ch-boom-ch-boom… Somebody scream!"

Dear God.

Okay, so she had expected to go out to this club, dance, and maybe get a little lucky, but fuck if it wasn't like standing in a goddamn sub woofer.

Noodle would admit, yeah, the atmosphere was great, but damn, it sounded like there were fucking elephants fucking in her fucking head!

However, this little fact became less and less apparent to our heroine as the night went on, and several drinks after arrival to the bar, she found herself sweetly adrift in the land of lala and happily enjoying dancing in the arms of none other than her secret little crush.

Well, perhaps not so secret, but she didn't quite know that yet.

2D was feeling quite in the same vein as Noodle. Not to mention it was nice to be able to pull her tight little body right up against his and grind into her without really crossing too many boundaries.

He actually planned on flushing all boundaries down the shitter if she kept doing that thing with her hips.

Ah!

… And the toilet flushes.

Bye-bye boundaries!

Meanwhile, sitting at the bar, a glaring Murdoc gazed steadily into the shot glass in front of him, still trying to make sense of the increasingly ominous feeling swimming in the pit of his stomach.

He'd made sure to pound Russ with plenty of alcohol for the evening, keeping his word to Noodle, so that couldn't possibly be what all this radar-going-off nonsense was about.

He was also purposefully rationing his alcohol intake, if only so that he wouldn't end up covered in rather unbecoming substances once again.

Namely, shit and vomit.

Murdoc gave a small, involuntary shudder.

The dullard and Noodle seemed to be getting on well, which Murdoc thought would ultimately work out in his favor. After all, someone had to babysit face ache so he wouldn't go walking off a cliff or some other idiotic antic.

'Well fuck me runnin.' He thought, idly tipping the whiskey shot down his throat.

The damn radar was goin' off like a spun meth-head.

Russel nudged the distracted guitarist gently on the arm.

"Yo Muds, you alright? You look like somethin' crawled up yo ass."

Murdoc turned his angry glare towards Russel and said with a scowl, "Fuck off lards." The Satanist slapped the shot glass back on the bar and signaled the bartender for another drink.

"Damn I ain't tryin' to piss you off. I was jus' wonderin' who shit on you this morning. Cracker-ass." Russ ended with a mutter, and turned away from the bar to look out towards the booming dance floor, his eyes scanning it for 2D and Noods.

As his gaze settled upon our unsuspecting couple, Russel's eyes narrowed a little as he noticed just where 2D's hands had wandered. And just how tightly she was clinging to him. And just what the fuck was she whispering in his ear?

Russ found himself quickly turning back to the bar and ordering a beer for his nerves.

'Breathe man. He ain't doin' nothin' she don't want 'im too. Ain't nothin' to worry bout here, it's just D….'

Noodle leaned in and yelled to 2D that she'd be right back, she just needed to use the little girls tinkle room.

Well, maybe not those words exactly, but you get the drift.

Her mind was a blur with how absolutely brilliantly everything was going. Amidst the alcohol and music, she'd managed to complete steps one through four of her plan.

Mission: Operation Noodle Gets Some.

Objective One: Intoxication of subjects, though operative should remain less intoxicated than target.

Check.

Objective Two: Flirt with target while maintaining same image of innocence as have always had. Operative should not appear to be "easy."

Check.

Objective Three: Operative should lure target away from wrath and watchful gaze of suspicious subject one, codenamed Black Bear.

Check!

Objective Four: Find way to make target think of operative in an incredibly sexual way without being overt. Once again, operative must maintain innocent image.

Double check.

Yes, operation ONGS was going just exactly according to plan.

The new adult girl smiled to herself as she made her way through the crowd. Just a few more steps until mission complete.

HURRAH!

Soon, Noodle found herself experiencing the horror of Tantra's girls' room line. At least 20 drunk women stood in front of the purple-haired girl, some of them barely standing at all.

The rather unpleasant odor of urine and vomit infiltrated Noodle's nostrils, and she quickly found herself not really needing to use the bathroom _that_ bad after all.

She turned around quickly, running…

SMACK

…into something rather solid.

"Oh, Gom-, I mean, I'm sorry!" she quickly corrected herself as her Japanese began to slip out.

Gah, senses really got all fucked up when you were drunk.

The man in front of her looked her up and down, smiling sweetly, steadying Noodle, "No, no problem at all. Wot's ya name, love?"

Bloody fucking hell. She just wanted to get back to the damn dance floor.

"My name is Noodle, and it's been a pleasure to meet you, but I really must be going to find another restroom-"

The young man held up a hand to stop her speech, chuckling a bit before saying, "Yeah, the loo around here isn't exactly one that I'd personally want to use. Lucky for you, you've run into someone with a bit of a connection. I wouldn't mind leading you upstairs to the office loo."

Well, she did have to pee. Badly.

Ah, fuck it. What could happen?

And here, ladies and gentlemen, is a question one must never ask oneself before embarking into the unknown. This thought of Noodle's also happened to be the last thought of Murdoc's just before three rather unpleasant experiences took place in his green little life.

He offered her his arm, and she hesitantly took it, allowing herself to be led away to a hidden door opposite the bar.

Two pairs of eyes watched Noodle and Mr. SketchyOwnerGuy walk away, and neither of the owners were particularly happy about this new turn of events.

2D turned around and had crazy flashback images of his dream popping into his head. Why had that fuckwit had to have dark hair? Why was Noodle leaving with him, when she'd been all over 2D all fucking night? What the hell was going on here?

2D's normally empty mind, currently filled with alcohol, instantly came to the conclusion that the only reason she had even flirted with him was because she was drunk.

And these thoughts, swimming amongst tequila, codeine, champagne, and beer all suddenly made perfect sense.

She hadn't even started flirting with him until after a few drinks, and she was an inexperienced drinker, so she was probably just having trouble controlling that happy time horniness that comes with being shitfaced.

And 2D had just been the most available target.

And now he'd been replaced.

By that dark-haired dick from his dream.

Well that was fuckin' peachy, fine, woteva man. 2D didn't have any problems finding a fuckmate of his own for the night. With that, 2D stumbled to the bar and ordered a triple shot of Maker's Mark, getting ready to burn the lump right out of his throat.

On the other end of the bar, one Russel Hobbs was giving a murderously suspicious glare towards the door through which he'd just seen his baby girl exit.

With some assface.

If you asked him, shit wasn't right with all this mess. Noodle had just been all over D, and now she was going off with some fuck? Nah, that's not something Russ thought Noodle-girl would do drunk, much less normally. And she hadn't had but the couple of drinks of champagne at the house, anyway.

Well, as far as our Big Black Daddy knows, anyway.

"Yo Muds, did you see that dude Noods left with?"

Alarm bells began having massive cows inside of Murdoc's head.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

"Wot bloke? Not the dullard, was it?"

Of course he knew it wasn't 2D. The idiot was sulking at the other end of the bar for whatever reason. Probably because he didn't have Noodle's leg to hump on.

But then something clicked inside Murdoc's head. If Noodle had left with a bloke that was not 2D, and 2D was off sulking somewhere, then something was definitely up.

The cows moo'd inside his head among the screeching alarm bells. Bingo. He'd just figured out exactly how shit was about to hit the fan.

"Nah, wasn't D. Some shorter dude, had dark hair. Didn't look right to me." Russel's eyes bored into the door as the larger man unconsciously gripped his beer bottle a little tighter. "If she ain't back in five minutes, I'm goin' in to find her."

If Murdoc could have, he would have drugged Russel right then and gone to find Noodle himself and gotten the fuck out of Tantra like it was on fire.

However, as it was, he could only swallow the lump in his throat and hope that the girl came back. Murdoc prayed furiously, for the first time in his miserable little Satan led life, to whatever deity would pick his prayer off the bottom of its shoe and maybe answer it, for just one thing: that nothing bad would happen to Noodle.

Because it would be his fault. In one way or another, the blame would get back to him.

And, well, his nose was already about as fucked up as it could get. Any more, and the damn thing would probably just fall right the fuck off.

Meanwhile, some twenty feet away, 2D held onto the bar countertop for support, his eyes scanning the crowd around him for some lovely bird to haul off for the night.

Ever since the whole 'Noodle Scene,' 2D hadn't been getting much (any) action, unless one counted his left hand and that lovely lady Jergens Body Lotion.

He hadn't even been looking for a minute when Ms. SluttyRedDress sauntered up, flipping her brown hair over her shoulder and licking her lips at him. He eyed her indiscreetly as she ordered herself an extra dirty martini.

"Ello, lovely. Wot's a nice girl like you doin' orderin' somethin' so dirty?" 2D smiled at her, turning on the pretty boy charm.

She turned to him, giggling a bit. "Who says nice girls can't get dirty every now and then?"

There was nothing about this girl that said she was the type to bring home to momma. But 2D just needed to flirt a minute, and then he'd be out of this shithole and away from Noodle and Dickwad.

"Well, love, you migh' wanna wotch who exactly you're gettin' dirty around. Wouldn't want to 'ave the wrong person givin' you a bubble bath, now would ya?" So, right, 2D wasn't exactly as smooth as he'd like to be. But it didn't really matter. His airheadedness had its own charm and appeal, even if he didn't quite understand it.

She batted her eyes at him, laughing outright at his silly flirtation. "Well," she giggled, "I think I'm pretty safe right now."

2D gave her a toothless grin. "Wot's ya name, love?"

"Petra. What about you?" 2D's eyes watched as she picked the olives out of her martini, gently sucking the vodka off of them before popping one in her mouth.

This was just what he needed.

"My friends call me 2D, short for Two Dents, becuz Muds put two holes in me 'ead. Real name's Stu."

They chatted about who the hell cares what for no more than two minutes, enough time for Petra to down the rest of her drink, before 2D slipped his arm around her waist and led her to take a taxi back to Kong.

One story above, Noodle was getting increasingly restless as Mr. IHaveYetToTellYouMyNameI'mSoSketchy continued leading her through ridiculous amounts of corridors in the strange upper story of Tantra.

They chatted about various things as they passed through the dimly lit, red painted hallways, although somehow he always managed to avoid giving her his name.

He seemed nice enough, but Noodle wasn't stupid. If they didn't get to a damn bathroom soon, she was going to turn tail and get the fuck out of here. 2D was probably wondering where she was, and Russ might be worried as well.

Plus, she didn't feel like having to ward off some rapist.

Not that she couldn't handle it, but, you know. Pain in the ass and all that.

The man abruptly stopped, releasing her arm to unlock and open the door in front of him.

"It's right this way, Noodle love. Just through the office 'ere…" he said sweetly, going in ahead of her and flipping on the light.

Noodle followed in quietly, wanting for this whole issue to be over with. She observed the small office, taking in the luxurious desk chair and nice wooden desk under which it sat. There was a nice fern in the corner, a small library, but most noticeably, there was not fucking other door.

No damn bathroom.

Fuck.

_Creak…_

**CLICK.**

She quickly discovered that this whole issue was only beginning. Turning around to inspect the noises that sounded suspiciously like a door being shut and locked, Noodle came to find that her initial impression was true.

No Name was trying to seduce her.

Bloody hell.

"Now, Noodle, wot I'd really like to do is jus' get t' know you a little better," the dark haired man leered openly at her, wetting his lips with his tongue before continuing, "You know, jus'… chat, a bit."

Noodle raised an eyebrow warily.

'You have _got _to be kidding me…'

"Look, I'm very sorry, but I really am in quite a hurry, so if you could just point me in the direction of the restroom…"

She looked up at him as he chuckled ominously. He shook his head gently, coming towards her slowly, reaching a hand out to gently caress her shoulder.

She fought the urge to back away.

"Listen, Noodle, I've owned this club for quite a while. Girls like you know exactly wot they're gettin' into. And what the hell kind of alias is 'Noodle' anyway? You coulda at least put some kinda thought into it. Usually I at least get 'Cookie' or some such bollocks."

His smile widened and she suppressed a shudder as his hand moved to cup the back of her head, his body inching far too close to hers for comfort.

Immediately her hands found his chest and began to push him away.

"I'm not sure just who the hell you think I am, and I certainly could not care less about who you are, but I assure you that whatever intentions you may think I have here are completely off base. I just needed a place to pee, for God's sake! How in the hell do you interpret that as a come on?" Noodle said as calmly as possible, though she could feel her voice raising slightly out of pure indignant anger.

What kind of scum sucking slime ball prowls bars to look for random fuck buddies whose name he wouldn't even know the next day?

… Well, aside from Murdoc.

And sometimes 2D.

But they weren't quite the same story. This guy was… fucked up in the head. At least the advances made by girls on 2D and Murdoc were legitimate.

Noodle had the strange feeling that no matter what she said, this guy wasn't going to accept a solid 'no.'

"Mm… feisty little bird, you are. Gets me 'ot thinkin' bout wot a spitfire you'll be…"

Noodle was a patient person.

When she was sober.

A resounding SLAP was heard reverberating throughout the small office they occupied as Noodle's hand connected soundly with Mr. CreepyRapistGuy's cheek.

"Bloody hell! You little bitch!" he snarled, growling at her and wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth, "You wanna fuckin' play rough, well think twice you little slut, cuz you're playin' with the big motha fuckin' dogs now!"

He lunged at her suddenly, managing to grab her wrists and pin her against the wall.

She did the two things that always worked incredibly well for her in real life dangerous situations involving creepy male individuals.

First, she kneed him squarely in the family jewels, hoping against hope that she managed to shatter a testicle. Mr. NowNutlessFreak screamed in outrage and pain, gagging as he almost vomited from the torture of feeling his boy bits being rammed up his intestinal track.

Second, she unleashed something she was well known for around Kong Studios.

The highest pitched, most ear-piercing bloody murder scream ripped from the throat of young Noodle, shattering glass in such far reaching places as the downstairs bathroom, and managing to somehow temporarily short-circuit the sound system of the club.

Within thirty seconds, Russel, who had been wandering aimlessly down the maze like passageway of Tantra's second floor, broke down the door.

He looked at Noodle, who blinked at him and smiled gently.

"You alright, baby girl?" he asked, taking in the man moaning in pain on the floor.

"Hai, Russel-kun… I'm… fine. I was just taken by surprise, he was supposed to be leading me to a clean rest room…" she said breathlessly, caught an bit off guard by the sudden intrusion.

Russel snarled and picked No-name up from the floor by his collar. He pointed to Noodle. "Don't you ever try and fuck wit' her again, or I will see to it that the rest of your life is as fucked up as you are in the head."

With that, he bopped the man on the top of his head, knocking him unconscious.

"Russel-kun… let's… go home now." Noodle ventured, somewhat embarrassed at her own stupidity for allowing herself to get into such a situation.

He nodded and the headed out of the office through the shattered door, and back down to the booming club.

They found Murdoc still sitting at the bar, oddly enough, looking somewhat nervous.

Well, that was an understatement. Murdoc was sure that if he farted, he would shit a brick.

He'd just watched 2D leave with Ms. SluttyWhoreNasty, and just _knew_ that _way _ more shit was about to get dumped all over that fan.

Seriously.

"Murdoc-san! Have you seen 2D?" Noodle asked as soon as she was close enough.

Murdoc swallowed nervously and composed himself.

"I think 'e woz feelin' a little ill and took a cab 'ome. 'E went a bit over board if ya catch me." He lied smoothly, not really wanting to face the wrath of Noodle, and somewhere inside his rotten little heart, not wanting to break hers.

"Oh," she replied, somewhat stunned that he had left without trying to find her. "Well, I'm very much ready to go home, I've had enough for tonight after dealing with that… man."

Murdoc raised an eyebrow. "Wot 'appened?"

She shook her head gently. "I'll tell you on the way home."

Russel nodded. "Let's jus' say 'e won't be up anytime soon. Come on, let's get outta here."

One story that left Murdoc feeling like a dick and one drive back to Kong later, Noodle found herself changing out of her dress and into her pajamas, getting ready for bed.

So much for Operation Noodle Gets Some.

She sighed, deciding to go check on 2D, just to make sure he was okay. She'd stop by the kitchen and grab a glass of ice water, just in case he was really in a bad way.

Far below the kitchen, in 2D's room, 2D was kissing the living daylights out of Kia. Or Tanya. Whatever the hell her name was.

She pulled away from him, backing him up until the backs of his legs hit his bed. She pushed him down on it, walking away from him before looking mysteriously over her shoulder, licking her lips enticingly at the blue haired singer.

But the odd thing was, he suddenly couldn't find anything very enticing about her at all.

She began to peel off the spaghetti straps of her tight red dress, and as she turned to face him, 2D couldn't help but start to notice just how… plastic this girl was.

Her skin was an unnaturally orange, fake tan that clashed terribly with her dress in the light of his room. Her curly blonde hair was permed and pressed to the point where it looked like it would break if he touched it. Eyes that had seemed mysterious to him only moments before, in the darkness of the cab, suddenly looked painted on and inhumanly bright. More than likely the product of bad color contacts. Her lips, the ones that had just been pressed against his own, looked as waxy and hard as they felt, covered in layers of unnecessary lipstick that 2D could taste on his own lips.

Completely unnatural, and so unlike Nood-

He suddenly felt extremely disgusted.

And not just with this girl, but with himself.

He abruptly stood up, halting her hand as she reached for the zipper of her dress.

"Listen, Patty," he began, only to be interrupted.

"It's Petra, Stu." She said indignantly.

"Sorry. Petra. I jus' don' think I can do 'is t'night…" He said, looking away from the girl and running a hand through his hair.

He could feel her confusion and rising anger radiating off of her like bad B.O.

"What the _fuck_ are you trying to say here?" She growled out at him, crossing her arms over her chest in a defensive manner.

2D sighed. Fuck him and his stupidness. Just because Noodle ran off with some bloke didn't give him the right to take it out on some innocent little-

"Are you saying I'm not _good_ enough for you! Do you think I'm playing some little fucking _game_ here? Well listen up, Two Dents, you can fuck that because I came here for something and I'm damn well not leaving until I get it." She screeched, arms beginning to flail as she suddenly lost her mind in a drunken rage.

…Scratch that whole innocent bit.

"Erm… I really think you oughtta leave now…" 2D said, heading towards his door and opening it. "You got a mobile, right? Call up a cabby."

He looked at her steadily, swaying slightly through his own intoxication, motioning his hand towards the door for her to leave.

She took off her heel and threw it at his head as hard as she could, but being drunk, missed by a good foot.

"You migh' wanna go fetch that, love." 2D said flippantly, continuing to motion for her to get the fuck out of his room.

She gave one last indignant screech, ground out a few choice words, and found herself picking up her purse and leaving this asshole's room.

2d watched her walk away and sighed, leaning against his doorframe to have a fag and think for a bit.

His search for ciggys was interrupted by the sound of a glass shattering against the concrete floor of the carpark, and two huge, watery eyes meeting his.

He hadn't expected anyone to be home for quite a while. Especially not her, since she was so busy with Mr. FuckFace.

"Wot are ya doin' 'ome s' early?" he asked gently, well aware of what she had just seen and the effect it was probably having on her. Served her right, now she knew how it felt.

"M-Murdoc-san said you were sick, and I was worried…" Her eyes shifted away from his, and he noticed something shining down her cheek.

2D felt an uncharacteristic, more than likely tequila caused spark of jealous anger erupt from him. Once again, an empty head full of tequila, beer, and bourbon was never going to produce anything to be proud of.

"Really, I'm surprised you noticed I woz gone at all, you were so busy with WotsIsFace back in Tantra." He bit out angrily.

Her jaw dropped. "2D-san, what are you talking about?"

2D gazed at her disbelievingly. "You know, tha' guy you walked out with when you went to go to the 'loo.'"

Noodle felt tears slip down her cheeks involuntarily, suddenly understanding.

"2D, how could you think something like that? How could you think that I would just run off with some one I don't even know!" Her voice trembled with her suppressed emotion.

2D started to doubt himself, looking at her. She was obviously incredibly hurt, and very upset with the assumption he'd made. His eyes began shifting nervously, and he sighed, not sure with whether he should actually tell her why he'd thought that.

Oh well. Fuck it.

"Noodle, love, you were drunk. You were so drunk tha' you were all over me, for God's sake. I just thought you'd moved on an' found someone else to go with." He said uneasily, his words sounding pathetic and illogical even to him as he spoke them.

Shit, she'd never even been kissed yet. Why the hell would she run off with some jackass?

She walked towards him quickly, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him down to her level, tears flowing down her face, which was contorted in a look that conveyed both the anger and betrayal she felt as her wonderful night finally sank into heartbreak.

"You really are a dullard, you know that? You're the only one I wanted to be with tonight, and do you know why that is, you stupid, stupid boy?" 2D gulped and shook his head no, waiting for her to continue, feeling guilt pile onto him as he gazed into her shining, crying emerald eyes. "It's because I'm fucking in love with you!"

She released him, and backed away, jumping away from him when he reached out to her.

"Noodle…" He wanted to reach out and hold her, tell her he was sorry he was such a shithead, and that he didn't deserve her but he wanted her so badly…

"No, Stuart. Just-Just, no. Don't touch me right now. I don't know how to handle my emotions right now, and I'm scared and hurt," she babbled through tears, turning to face him once again. "I just hope that you had your fun for now."

And with that, she turned and walked away from him, and he watched her go stupidly, wondering how it was possible for him to fuck up this badly.

Not only was he a bloody pervert, a fucking old pervy git, but he was a complete and total fuckwit.

And he'd just shattered the heart of a girl he loved.

A/N: Mother fuck me sideways. Drama out my ass, a couple funny moments, and a bit of poorly written angst. Also double the size of the usual chapter, but I figure I owe you guys. Humor to come more so in the next chapters, lots of 2D feeling like a stupid asshole, and Murdoc coming into play somehow while Russ gives 2D a bit of a pep-talk. Uh, sorry about the general shitty quality of this chapter, but it's fucking HARD to write four different perspectives and keep everything happening in relatively the same timeline. Also, I know the scene with D and Petra at the end was shit, but I needed to wrap this baby up. Thanks for your patience, I'll see ya'll next post!


	12. Of Coconuts and Reconciliation

"I've got a lovely bunch-a co-co-nuts, DEETLE-EEE-DEET, There they are-a sittin' in-a row..."

The song drifted aimlessly around the carpark, coming out from time to time in obnoxiously loud bursts, much to the chagrin of one very pissed, guilt-ridden, hung-over bassist who just wanted some sleep, god dammit, was it really that much to ask?

"Bum, bum, bum, -hic!- Big ones small 'uns, some the shize uf ya 'ead! -hic!-"

Murdoc growled and shoved his pillow as tightly over his head as possible.

CRASH.

"Ow! Murdoc, 'elp me!"

Bloody fucking Satan.

One blood-shot, yellowed eye audibly cracked open and twitched before hurricane Murdoc unleashed his wrath in the form of the patented Horribly Irritated Satan Summoner yell, affectionately known as the Murdoc H.I.S.S.

"Dullard, shut the_ fuck _up and go to _FUCKIN'_ SLEEP ALREADY! Ya been drunk for two GODDAMN days, an' ya ain't done shit but babble the _whole FUCKIN' time! _If I here just _one_ more bloody fuckin' SONG come out of ya' shit-ridden mouth, I'm going to DISEMBOWEL you and string ya guts up around the Winnie for fuckin' _Christmas_ decorations!"

Not a sound was heard in a one mile radius around Kong. Murdoc breathed heavily for a few moments, before getting out of bed and wandering out of the Winnebago in his customary tighty-whiteys.

The fuckin' idiot had started drinking himself into a stupor the night they all got back from Noodle's birthday party, and Noodle herself had holed up and claimed she needed "reflection and meditation time."

But mostly that was just her way of telling her band mates to sod off for a while so she could destroy her room and then put it all back together.

Mike the monkey had taken up guard outside her door, and anytime a certain blue-haired man wandered past, said Monkey had hissed and screeched at him, pummeling him with any array of on-hand objects in order to keep him as far away from Noodle as possible.

And there wasn't a lot readily available in the hallway... except, of course, for Mike's own feces. Needless to say, monkey poo was thrown at 2D like rice on a couple at a wedding.

Our poor, stupid, oblivious hero hadn't slept and had devoured far more alcohol than was healthy over the past few days.

But back to the current situation.

As Murdoc's red eye twitched in frustration, 2D's short term memory quickly said bye-bye to all that Murdoc had just said, and the blue-haired man found himself rolling over on the floor, concentrating on the extraordinarily difficult task of lifting himself off the ground.

How had he gotten there again?

Hm... right... something about coconuts... wait, where were his pants...?

Murdoc's right hand found itself slapping his own forehead out of sheer frustration with the drunken, pantsless idiot rolling around on the floor. But deep down in his black little heart, somewhere beneath the dark charcoal-like lump that resided where most people would have a conscience, Murdoc felt a very small pang of pity.

A VERY small pang of pity. Which was more than likely for himself and his own lack of sleep.

But maybe, just maybe, a bit of it was for faceache.

Stomping over to his singer, Murdoc grabbed him roughly by the collar of his shirt and proceeded to drag his sorry ass into Kong, through the lobby, up the elevator, past the farting elephant, and right in front of Russel's room.

"Wot are ya doin, Murdoc? Where are we? Ugh, wot's 'at smell?! Say, 'ave you -hic- seen my pants?"

To Murdoc, he'd been doing enough good deeds lately. Now it would be up to lards to sober up numb-nuts here and fix this whole fucked up Noodle shenanigan that was intruding on his precious, precious sleep.

And so, with a certain amount of self-satisfaction, Murdoc tossed 2D next to Russ's door, gave the door a good solid kick, and high-tailed it back down to the safety of his Winnie far before Russel opened his door to the sight of a dazed, drunk as fuck, sans-pants, stupidly smiling 2D sprawled out on the floor in front of him.

"Ello, Russ!" He greeted cheerily, right before his glazed eyes took on a more serious look. "Noodle still mad?"

Russel shook his head at his friend.

Shit.

How was he gonna fix this?

"Come on man, let's get you in a bed..."

Some twenty feet away, a green-eyed Japanese teenager sat calmly on her bed, eyes closed serenely, all thoughts concentrated on ridding her mind of the angry, betrayed thoughts that threatened her at every turn of the head. Her surrounding were pristine, and the air in the room was stiff and still as if nothing had moved in it for days.

Which, well, it hadn't. Because once Noodle had finished crying, she'd taken up residence on this very spot, in the middle of her bed, her back straight, and very confident in her guard monkey.

Young Noodle thought about many things while she went into meditation mode. First she thought about how normally her room would be in tatters over something like this. Then she thought about the multiple occasions she had cleaned up the mess left by her own explosions. Next up on the train of thought was the explosion she was originally programmed to be, and of course these thoughts were followed by thoughts of Japan, of the life she would have had if she had never come to Gorillaz. She tried to imagine herself in a world without 2D, Murdoc, or Russel, without music or expression or any real sense of self.

She was damn glad Mr. Kyuzo had fed-exed her to Kong.

It was ironic, thought Noodle, that in her search for the truth about her past, she had come to the conclusion that her past really had very little to do with who she truly was.

She had been shaped by those three people with whom she was closest.

And now she was being defined by one of them again... She was reacting to heartbreak. Trouble was, she really wasn't sure what to do with it. All of her profound thinking, her insight, her intelligence could not guide her in this, a matter of the heart. It was now when she would discover how strong she really was.

So, for two days, the teenage guitarist festered in her own unshowered oils, endured hunger pangs, and ignored her thirst and slight hang over in order to ponder what action should be taken.

As well as the consequences of her own actions.

Okay, so maybe she _had_ come on a little strong that night. So maybe next time she could be a little less physical, and a little more emotional, and 2D would catch on...

Erm, scratch that. She'd gone and blurted out that she loved him, like a freakin' idiot. Good call, Noodle Girl. Karma - 3749827, Noodle - 0.

Perhaps she could just pretend like it never happened. 2D might think he dreamt it all in a codeine induced haze, and she'd be off the hook!

Except for that whole part where she'd still be in love. Blast and damn.

Or.. or maybe it was time to own up to reality and deal with it. Despite all the beauty and joy in the world, things don't always happen as we want them to. And time would dissipate all the hurt and hardship eventually. Noodle and 2D could go back to being friends, and things would be fine.

Wouldn't they?

For the first time in two days, at almost the same instant Russel's door opened to the belligerant 2D, Noodle moved. She fell backwards onto her bed, arms above her head, eyes open, exhaling deeply.

It wouldn't do any good to continue worrying about the future. Nothing was certain, and facing the consequences for her actions at this moment was all she could do to continue living. After all, she couldn't simply stop time by sitting in her room.

She sat up resolutely, and took a deep breath.

Her face scrunched up with the rancid, pickle/B.O. stench that entered her nostrils.

UGH. Wow. She smelled like shit.

A shower was definitely in order before anything else happened.

And, well, fuck it all... she was still kinda randy.

After all this mess was sorted, O.N.G.S. (back in the day, Operation Noodle Gets Some) would be back in action, 2D or no.

But preferably with 2D.

Meanwhile, everyone's favorite Satanist was busy catching a few well-deserved winks on his Egyptian Silk sheets. You know, the ones with a huge (gizz? diarrhea? vomit?) stain in the middle.

One shower and a passed out singer later, Noodle and Russel found themselves in the kitchen, mutually hungry.

Noodle nodded at her father-figure when he entered, and he watched her rummage through the fridge for a moment before speaking.

"Finally decided to join the land of the living again baby girl?"

She turned to him warily, with tired eyes, and cracked a small smile. "No offense, Russel-kun, but I did not desire to end up possessing you, and that tends to happen when people pass away in your vicinity."

He chuckled easily at her. She'd been the one to help him get passed his... trauma... in a mental way. Her knowledge of how to handle post-possession neuro-cases had astounded everyone in the band.

Her smile widened as he pulled on an apron, ready to cook.

The large man took her place rummaging at the fridge, pulling out god only knows what to fix, and not looking at her as he posed his next question.

"Noodle girl... How long is all this gonna go on between you and D?"

Her smile collapsed immediately, and she sighed as she sat down at the table, her hands coming to rub her temples, her hair still damp from her recent vacation into the land of hygiene.

"I... I don't know. I am planning to speak with him about everything that's happened," she took another resigned breath, looking absently out the window to the filth of the landfill, "But it's just not something I really want to do. I must admit that... I'm... I'm afraid."

Russel listened quietly as he separated out the ingredients for home-made mac'n'cheese. That was always a good comfort food.

And if there was one thing Russel really knew (well, after music and drumming and what being possessed felt like), it was comfort food.

"Russel-kun, I just don't understand why things had to play out the way they did. I'm not deluded enough to expect everything to be fairy-tale, but after all that I've done, I suppose I just wished for this one thing to be easy. There isn't much that I ask for, so why couldn't I have just had this one thing? Why am I not good enough for him?"

A deep sigh emanated from the mass that was Russel. Noodle would have continued her aimless venting, but she knew that the noise he made called for little else but silence.

"Baby girl, lets get one thing strait here. This shit ain't got nothin' to do with you being 'good enough' or anything like that, so don't go thinking that. If you don't listen to anything else I say, listen to that. Second, I know this isn't fair. It never is. Shit just... happens, no matter what you do. I could ask all day why I been possessed by everything from my best friend to a hell demon, but it wouldn't do me no good. You just gotta accept it and move on..." he said lowly, his white eyes locked with her green ones.

It remained silent for a moment more.

"And another thing," he paused, unsure of saying what next came to his mind. He shook his head decisively, "Another thing. 2D hasn't been sober since your birthday. Ever since you went in your room, he's been out of his mind drunk wandering around the carpark and the studio kitchen, bitching to Ralph about how much of a dumb shit he is. As we speak he's passed out on the couch in my room, first time he's slept in two days, and I'll give you one good guess as to why he's been actin' this way and it ain't because he knocked up another chick."

With that he turned away from her, and she stared, somewhat shocked, and the expanse of his back.

Her rumbling stomach would just have to wait.

This, she had to see for herself.

Russel didn't hear her get up and leave, but felt her presence leave the kitchen.

She crept carefully down the hall, into the second floor lobby, down the next corridor, and paused in front of Russel's room, where she could hear a light snoring penetrate the door to come sound in her ear.

Aw. Crap.

She hadn't seen him since all that had happened! Was it really fair for her to just walk in and wake his hung-over ass up? Would she be able to resist giving him a good smack? Fuck that, would she be able to resist giving him a good snog? Well, after all, last time she'd seen him asleep he'd ended up doing the naughty all over himself while she moaned in his ear...

Hm. Furious blush, anyone? I'll take one, me the Japanese girl at table five. Matter of fact, I'll take ten.

Okay, slow down. She could do this. He was out like a weight, if he'd been binge-drinking, she could probably scream in his ear and not wake him up.

She really did want to see him.

Okay.

That was it.

Push the door open.

Just... DO IT.

Okay, good girl. Now go in the room.

But maybe this isn't such a good id-

GO IN.

... meep.

As Noodle succumbed to her dominant instinct to enter Russel's room, her eyes fell on the sight of a heavily slumbering man whose blue hair rested in an shock of tangle on top of his head, and whose pants were also no where to be found.

Her eyes softened a bit.

He was just so damn _cute_ when he was asleep.

Noodle closed the door gently behind her, walking timidly over to 2D, and kneeling next to the couch where he was far, far away in the land of lala and toys. Her hand brushed the slightly matted blue hair off his forehead, her cool fingers light against his heated skin.

He made no reaction to her touch in his sleep, but just continued to snore lightly. She hung her head slightly, smiling a bit as he slept on obliviously, his eyes sealed shut and his mouth slightly open, revealing the front tooth gap left courtesy of one Murdoc Niccals.

"Hey," she whispered softly, letting her other hand rest lightly on his chest. "I... I'm sorry about how everything just... sort of... happened. I... never meant for any of it to turn out the way it did. I only followed my heart, and when I thought it had led me down the wrong path, I lost it. I'd never been guided in the wrong direction before... I..."

She looked away.

So, this was it. This was her big moment of truth. This was her discovery of the real insecurity of life - the fact that we, ultimately, control nothing.

Unwittingly, the source of her revelation slumbered on, dreaming of lollypops and Noodle, in a world where things were happy again.

One floor down, some distance away, trouble was brewing. For unbeknownst to our courageous four, the big wheel was soon to make a return to Kong's interior... With an undead friend.

A/N: Yeah I know, took forever. Sorry. Expect the next chapter by... Christmas-ish. I hope you enjoyed, I really tried hard with this one... It's difficult to keep the mood light when people are trying to grow into themselves and all, you know? And no fear, Murdoc fans, he shall make an appearance next chapter. Or if you just really need him, check out Sunshine in a Bag.

Hehe, Zombies.


End file.
